And here’s this week’s update. First off i lost 2 lbs…not sure where they went but sure don’t plan on trying to find them *laughs*. And except for my knee aching alot, have actually felt a little better physically all around then I have in a while. And my appetite seems to have shrunk so we’ll see how that goes too.
Then on SL, it’s the end of a huge period of change in my life. As you saw from the picture yesterday, I’ve been 1 of the finalists in a pageant that’s been going on since December for me. And yesterday was the pageant where I ended up as first runner up, & 1 of my best friends on SL was actually the winner. I’ve learned alot about people & myself doing it & am so glad of the opportunity & thrilled to tears with how it ended. I couldn’t have asked for me & thank you to all of you who have helped me thru this…I won’t forget it anytime soon.
Also things seem to be going better relationship-wise for me as well since i’m actually quite content…for the most part. My little does occasionally have her I want attention fits but he’s trying his best to keep up with her & learning some of the signs that I’m not always even aware of that I need that little bit more of attention so I couldn’t ask for anything more right now. Ok I could do with a few more rules always but *laughs & grins* just couldn’t help myself there.
Anyways…everyone have a good rest of the weekend & a good week & thank you for being here! oh & don’t forget…random number for the Wednesday random blog topic!
I gained back 3lbs this week but considering my hands are so bloated they hurt…*laughs* can’t say I’m surprised. And definitely not going to let it get too me too much considering. It’s been a very cranky, unhappy, stressful week so am so glad it’s over with & we can see where this week takes me & hopefully it’s to lots of better places.
Not to say that all of last week was bad because it wasn’t. Have been on WoW alot since the new patch came out on Tuesday & gave me alot of amusing things plus alot of help with the heirlooms tab…I am soooooo thankful for that. *laughs* Now if I could just track down all my heirlooms….*laughs again*. And I did my first race change & changed my 2nd nelf hunter to a draenei so that’s been interesting…but at least I’m finally playing her.
Also last night I had my whole night made. I was on SL, talking to my friends, when I got told that someone enjoys being around me because I’m fun to be around & make him smile…& it came out of nowhere. I didn’t know what to say at first but then it took all I had not to say awwwwww back. And that was after he told me he was proud of how I’ve held up with modeling school & everything else over the last few weeks so it was double awwww. And as I said to him…if I heard something like that every day or 2 I’d be a puddle *laughs* because that’s exactly the kinds of things I need to hear. So needless to say, that made my entire day.
So all in all it’s been a good weekend after a rough week so hoping the trend keeps going! Hugs to everyone!
Oh…& almost forgot…if anyone wants to give me a number between 1 & 121 for this week’s random blog post feel free to!
Well this week has gone better than I expected once I get done with the modeling class stuff for SL. I even ended up losing almost half a pound even after the Valentine’s Day party we had on Thursday so I was thrilled about that.
Managed to survive & actually do pretty good I thought at me SL modeling classes. Then spent almost all of Valentine’s Day on SL with my friends & even got an awesome present on there…totally blew me away & made my whole day. Also got a pretty serious makeover so that’s taking some getting used to but it’s good I think.
Guess I’m going to get going…we’re due for a big snowfall tonight it sounds like so gotta get some stuff together. Hope everyone had a good week & weekend & hugs to all!
Well..this isn’t going to be quite the post I was originally planning on it being, but all the same it’ll have some to do with it. I have entered in a contest in SL, & it has ended up dragging up all sorts of conflicting needs & feelings. I originally did it just kind of spur of the moment because never in a million years would I have imagined it would go anywhere. Now, I’m facing being in the finals & I’m not sure I want it or not.
But that’s not all. I’m also surrounded by wedding planning & it’s making me a little crazy. I’m the eternal bridesmaid…never a bride. Everyone I’m good friends with in SL has been partnered at least once &/or married…if not multiple times. I’m complaining but not complaining at the same time here. I would love to have a wedding or even just be partnered but…I’ve got this man who…everything about me & him scares me…most of all losing him for good. He won me over over 2 years ago by not only seducing me & bringing out the submissive in me for the first time…since before that I’d had no clue she even existed inside me…but for some reason he brought her out within minutes of meeting him. Then the next time I met him, he showed that unlike so many men, he actually paid attention to all of me by scratching my ears & playing with my tail…since I’m usually neko in SL. We ended up talking almost every day for the next few weeks & 3 weeks after we’d met, he decided to collar me officially. And that lasted for almost 8 months before things fell apart. I didn’t know it at the time but that’s when my little started to show & since neither of us had really had alot of experience with that particular thing, we didn’t really know what to do, so I left so we could stay friends since I was the 1 having most of the issues
We kept talking at least twice a month, sometimes as often as every day for a week at a time over the next almost year & a half. We’d had numerous fall backs over that time but nothing was ever said about possibly trying again. Then the other day, in the midst of the contest, 1 of my adopted SL sisters decided it was time to find me & my best friend a man…even if it was at gunpoint. *laughs* I happened to be talking to him at the time, & told him cause well…I found it hilarious. He said that if she’s taking applications for the husband in my shotgun wedding he’d just have to put 1 in. I smart assedly told him I double dog dared him & he did. Which led to him coming down to the club we’re always at & dancing with me for over an hour which has only happened like 1 other time before in the entire time we’ve known each other. Even more surprising, he asked me if I’d like to be his again…I figured I left him so it’d never happen even if I had entertained the thought a time or 2 & just never said anything to him about it. I wasn’t sure how he felt about who I’ve become, whether he still cared about me like he had, whether he wanted someone as labor intensive as I’d be…so I’d never done more than idly consider it. So after we talked a bit more about it, I submitted to him again. He has been there for me over & over…more times than I can count…I’d have to be crazy to tell him no considering I know he’ll follow thru on every single thing he promised me he’d do.
And that is what’s led to things now. The fear is coming back in full force due to both of these things happening, & my having issues losing weight which stems from the fear as well. Fear that I’ll be a disappointment or too needy or I care too much & am going to ruin things for good with us. Worry that I will get in the finals of the contest & that my other adopted sister won’t win it when she’d be a much better choice but also wanting to win if only to say hahahahah to everyone who thinks I’m everything I shouldn’t be because so many people think I’m not good enough when I damn well am. Stuck between being happy to be collared again to being a bit…something…more wistful than upset I think…that I’ll never be partnered or married because I have to choose between those happening & being with a man I know has to care about me or he wouldn’t have asked me to be his again. The fear that comes from not knowing how people feel because I’m scared to death to ask them because I don’t want to be told it’s more me than them & having to deal with that kind of hurt.
My adopted sisters….things are so romantic with them &…don’t get me wrong I’m not at all a big romantic or big on romance cause normally I hate the gushy stuff…but I am a woman with a heart & a human being & even I would like once in a while to be told someone loves me. To get a present just because or a short note saying how someone feels…to have a ring or a bracelet or even a hair bow *laughs* that’s another way to show I mean something to them. My best friend is amazing for that & I hope to never lose her again because of either of us being stupid, but even she’s not enough & she shouldn’t be. It’s not her responsibility to pick me up when I’m down. And yes…i have learned how to do that & I do love myself for the first time in like ever but no 1 wants to have to do it all on their own. But it makes me feel so needy & guilty to want these things even tho I know I deserve them just like everyone else does that…it becomes a battle to say something about it for fear of disappointing someone or seeming too needy or ungrateful. It’s so hard to think of myself first because I’ve spent so much of my life feeling like I need to please others that even now it does cause those types of inner battles. The difference is that now…I know what it is & how to fight it which is what led to this post. So thank you everyone for listening & huggies to all!
Not much here but *laughs* oh well at least I’m doing something. A friend of mine at work as I think I said last time is helping me with my weight…now if I don’t exercise I have to copy a page from a wikipedia we both use alot so yays that should be fun…NOT. But maybe it’ll work & to start it’s only 5 minutes a day, 3 days a week so we’ll have to see how it goes. I’m just hoping I can do it…as much as because she really is trying to help & I’d hate to be so much of a lazy ass I can’t even accept her help.
I did get my new scale but it’s either more accurate than the other or I’ve gained alot more weight than I was aware of because it was flat out depressing this week. Another reason I’m so motivated to lose it again. So I can just hope that it works this time.
Secondlife has been ok….been on a few times & talked to a few of my friends but nothing too interesting. Tho my former Master has offered to give some advice as well for my weight loss so that will be a big help too since he knows me so well.
And WoW…we tried to do a raid last night to get us heirloom weapons but it didn’t work out so well so *laughs* that’s something to try later this week or next weekend before Warlords comes out a week from this Thursday.
Also, as always, thank you to everyone & I hope you’ve had a good week & continue to do so!
Warning now…very foul language ahead so if that bothers you…do not read the rest of this.
you have been warned
———- Continue reading
Today’s question: 2. How have you changed in the past 2 years?
Wow…that could take pages to sum up but I think I’ll try to keep it as simple as I can. *laughs* Save everyone a bit of strain on their eyes. And I think I’ll separate it into parts to make it easier for me to not repeat anything.
Well I ended up going back onto Secondlife after swearing up & down I wasn’t going to do it because of all the heartache & problems I had that caused me to leave in the first place. But, my best friend convinced me to get on & play Greedy with her, so I did. And this 1 evening not long after I came back, she was off with a friend of hers so I decided to take 1 of my alts exploring & playing with RLV & traps & went to this place that sounded good. Realized after I got there that I’d actually been there with another friend a week or 2 before, so decided to explore a bit. Ended up getting greeted then IMed by this man & I still to this day don’t know how or why but…that was the first time I could ever remember feeling like I wanted to get down on my knees & please him any way possible…& that after only a few minutes of chat. After that night, I did some online research & realized that instead of being dominant like I’d assumed I was my whole life, with a certain few men I was the complete opposite…& very submissive. Which I’ll admit did explain why the few times I had tried to play Domme, I had sucked so badly at it. I’ve met a few people since & have talked to them & they’ve helped reinforce my thoughts there….that I am submissive at the very least & maybe even a type of baby girl…tho that still remains to be seen.
I have also managed to lose weight after being diagnosed with extreme high blood pressure & edema…so even tho I have to wear compression stockings for the rest of my life I have also lost almost 30 lbs & have managed to keep it off for 4 months…which is still better than gaining it back. It’s also had an interesting side effect because my picky child has been willing to eat foods he’s never been willing to try before because he knows how much trouble I’m having & that I’m having to redo my eating so I can lose the weight & feel better & not be sick…& he’s old enough to see the difference between now & then & know it’s because of the weight & be willing to try things just to make it easier on me. So I’ve been trying quite a few new things with my kid’s support which is always an awesome thing.
Also thanks to my kid, I have started raiding in WoW. I never ever could’ve imagined me doing it before this expansion, even tho I did say that if Garrosh was the final boss I’d learn how to raid just to kill him. *laughs*. Instead, I’ve been playing alot with my kid & he has been willing to hold my hand & coach me thru heroic dungeons, help me kill stuff on Timeless Isle, & help me thru the fights in the raids the first time so I wasn’t a total idiot & get myself killed on the first try. He’s even gone so far as to point out I’m his mom in groups if they give me crap so at least I know I’m not a total embarrassment. And playing on there with him I have made a huge improvement in my playing. I was even able to beat him at a fair duel a few times which I never would’ve imagined that happening since I suck at PVP & in my opinion he’s really good at it…till he get frustrated at least. So thanks to him, I’m doing so much better at WoW than I ever would’ve guessed before this expansion came out & have only got to beat Garrosh himself so something for me to look forward to.
I know there’s more but those are probably the biggest changes. Thanks for listening as always everyone!
The last few days have actually turned out to be pretty good…at least from my point of view. Well ok today sucked but…the few days before have gone pretty well. Over the weekend I admittedly played alot of WoW. But I did finally got the mail helm from the Timeless Isle I needed to use my Burden of Eternity on & now my main has a 535 ilevel so I’m a happy camper. Plus the other character I’ve been working on alot, my shadow priest, well I leveled her up 8 levels in about 4 days. I also decided to go & heal a few dungeons…even tho I hadn’t healed since I was a level 30. *laughs* Much to my surprise, after my kid filled in the spells I’d gotten since then, I ended up doing quite well. To my surprise, me & 2 other DPS ended up 3 manning Gun’drak after our tank & healer left. I went healer & the 2 of them tanked & we did all but the very first boss with just the 3 of us…& no deaths. And we were level 74-77 so we were all right on level. Needless to say that made my day in so many ways.
Then I got to get the holiday kitties on SecondLife & even had enough money to get a matching pair of 1 of the types for my best friend. And I got to spend quite a bit of time with my former Master on there…something I’ve not gotten to do in forever, & am glad I did because I needed that right then. More than even I realized till afterwards. Plus, I moved plots on there & like the new 1 so much better because *laughs* now my KittyCats don’t hide in the grass anymore.
I’ve also now lost over 30 lbs on my diet so that was a good thing too. We were out of school a few days last week because of the snow & ice but me & my kid just did our own things…playing some together on WoW & generally laughing at each other when we weren’t. So all in all…the last few days…until today…have been better than things have been in a while…which I am most definitely thankful for.
This may not be the time of year that most people are thankful but tonight, I’m thankful that I have the awesome friends I do & have met some awesome people. It makes the less awesome idiots I do meet more tolerable.
As I said, I’ve been meeting some new people…most of them pretty awesome…but this 1 guy I met a few days ago *shakes her head* he took the cake. He keeps insisting he’s a dominant but all he’s concerned with is the sexual side of things, trying to push me into things I’m nowhere near ready for after knowing him for less than a week & saying himself that pleasing my dominant is what matters & if I don’t then I’m just being selfish…even when it makes me disgusted with myself & the world I should still do it because I’m just being difficult & not wanting to listen to someone who’s dominant to me. I kept telling him if he felt that it wasn’t going to work, but did keep chatting with him just ignored every time the conversation took a sexual turn & turned it some way else.
But what was the last straw was when he told me that if we ever got together, he’d make me…& my son….quit playing WoW. I mean it’s bad enough he doesn’t listen to anything I say but then wants to take away 1 of the few things that I truly enjoy & can meet people & love doing with my kid & friends? And is telling me how to raise my kid when he has never even met him & didn’t even bother to ask me what I thought of it? That was the final straw. You can try & treat me however you want but you do not try to parent my child without asking. Especially when you have none so you’ve not had personal experience. Not that I’m saying if you haven’t had kids you can’t be a parent, but you really shouldn’t tell someone else what to do with a kid you don’t even know & know nothing about either.
And then in WoW I had some super intelligent & kind people (note the sarcasm there) telling me & my son that we were weak & fools & to stop bragging when if we were really good we could do blah blah blah & I just said back in chat “Wow…what supportive people we have in wow” & I bet I got 5 laughs. And when his comeback was if you want supportive quit WoW & go find some real friends I told him that I brought my real friends to WoW with me so his help honestly wasn’t needed but thanks for the thought. I got a few laughs from that but you know what…the people who feel the same way won’t argue with the trolls so at least they know it’s not just them. I know I shouldn’t feed the trolls but sometimes you just gotta let everyone else know that they’re not alone.
Lastly, I want to thank my Former Master for helping me take up for myself & not just accept what I get when it’s all wrong for me. He helped me to believe in how amazing & awesome I can be, & how so many other people see just what a special person I am even when I can’t see it or believe it. He has helped me grow & blossom in ways I don’t think even he realizes & I want to thank him for showing me how to be a good woman, a good friend, as well as a good submissive.
I know I’ve not been on here as much as I’d like but you know how the real world goes. But I wanted to get this out & posted before I had to go start cooking. So here are some things I’m thankful for.
Everyone who reads this blog & comments. I know alot of you are lurkers like me but just knowing you thought something I posted was interesting enough to make you want to follow this blog & read more is a great feeling. So I thank each & every one of you for your continued support.
Secondly, I want to thank all the bloggers I read. I know I sometimes lurk but I do try to comment & like when something really touches me or makes me laugh or sometimes just to let you know that someone else is there & cares about you & what you write. I’m looking forward to continuing on your journeys with you & want to all thank you for letting me follow along with you thru them.
I also want to thank my online friends or just people who’ve been kind to me online over the last year. Some great people I’ve met thru this blog, some on SecondLife, & plenty of them on WoW. Some of you will never know what a difference it makes but believe me, it does make 1 heck of a difference.
I also want to thank the people in my real life & whatever higher force you believe in for helping me out & dealing with my whinyness & crying & frustrations about trying to lose weight & helping me thru my cat getting so sick to seeing me out the other side. You guys deserve a bigger thanks than I can give you but what can I really say?
Thank you to my best friend for putting up with me & still trying to squeeze in at least a hi heifer how you doing even tho she’s working her butt off & having to deal with so much rl stuff right now there’s almost no time for anything else. it means alot.
Thank you to my former Master for believing in me & helping me to be comfortable with who I am for the first time in…ever…& for helping me to find even more about me & more reasons to like me. And for still popping in to check on me from time to time. Even if he didn’t realize it before his patience & understanding made a huge difference in my life…for the better I think.
And lastly to my son…even tho he won’t read this he still deserves a world of thanks. His love & patience & humor & just him has changed me more than any other person in the world & he has put up with so much & deserves so much more but he’s mine & that’s all that counts. I hope he gets at least half of what he deserves out of life because face it…who gets everything but I can just hope & pray he gets more than enough to be happy & healthy & I hope he never has to question how important he is to me & the world.
So there we go…a big thanks from me to you & you & you…hope your day today even if you don’t celebrate Thanksgiving is a good 1 & thank you 1 more time for being here.