More thoughts *laughs*

I bet everyone’s about tired of these but for once this isn’t bad…I don’t think.  Was perving profiles in SL a few minutes ago & was reading the profile of a Gorean slave & some things she wrote in there made me think & I just kind of wanted to write them down here so I could have them to go back & look at them when I need to.  She said “When i cannot serve i feel empty and lost” & that’s a good way of putting it.  When I’m not being encouraged or guided…I do feel lost.  I need that as much as anything else that I really need in my life.  Knowing I’ve made someone else proud of me & happy with who I’ve become…that’s what I feel like I’m here for…to do what they’ve known I could do all along…be what they’ve always known I could be.  Being told that…makes me feel more complete than anything else I’ve ever had someone say to me.  I know it can be difficult at times…but it does mean the world to those of us who need those rules & structure & encouragement because of those littles inside us.  So thanks for listening everyone & huggies!

Advertisements

30 Day Blog Challenge Day 22

Day 22 – 22. 7 things about you people don’t really expect or would be surprised to know about you.

Ok here’s another 1 that will involve some thinking so *laughs* hopefully it won’t be too bad.

1. I am in love with Taco Bell’s hasbrowns for breakfast.  I mean their AM grilled tacos are good but the hasbrowns…*drools*

2. I like to get on WoW sometimes & me & my kid will see who can kill themselves the best…or attack the opposing faction in just a dress or something with no armor on at all…just cause we can.

3. I am a huge boyband fan…really really big. *laughs* Have been for almost as long as I can remember.

4. I eat ketchup & only ketchup on my fish sandwiches from fast food places.

5. I was going to marry Harrison Ford when I grew up when I was a kid.

6. I eat chicken & noodles almost every single week during the school year

7. I’m totally in love with a completely fictional character & have been for years.

Sorry this was late but this was 1 of the hardest things I had to do believe it or not. *laughs*

30 Day Blog Challenge Day 2

Today’s question: 2. How have you changed in the past 2 years?

Wow…that could take pages to sum up but I think I’ll try to keep it as simple as I can.  *laughs* Save everyone a bit of strain on their eyes.  And I think I’ll separate it into parts to make it easier for me to not repeat anything.

Well I ended up going back onto Secondlife after swearing up & down I wasn’t going to do it because of all the heartache & problems I had that caused me to leave in the first place.  But, my best friend convinced me to get on & play Greedy with her, so I did.  And this 1 evening not long after I came back, she was off with a friend of hers so I decided to take 1 of my alts exploring & playing with RLV & traps & went to this place that sounded good.  Realized after I got there that I’d actually been there with another friend a week or 2 before, so decided to explore a bit.  Ended up getting greeted then IMed by this man & I still to this day don’t know how or why but…that was the first time I could ever remember feeling like I wanted to get down on my knees & please him any way possible…& that after only a few minutes of chat.  After that night, I did some online research & realized that instead of being dominant like I’d assumed I was my whole life, with a certain few men I was the complete opposite…& very submissive.  Which I’ll admit did explain why the few times I had tried to play Domme, I had sucked so badly at it.  I’ve met a few people since & have talked to them & they’ve helped reinforce my thoughts there….that I am submissive at the very least & maybe even a type of baby girl…tho that still remains to be seen.

I have also managed to lose weight after being diagnosed with extreme high blood pressure & edema…so even tho I have to wear compression stockings for the rest of my life I have also lost almost 30 lbs & have managed to keep it off for 4 months…which is still better than gaining it back. It’s also had an interesting side effect because my picky child has been willing to eat foods he’s never been willing to try before because he knows how much trouble I’m having & that I’m having to redo my eating so I can lose the weight & feel better & not be sick…& he’s old enough to see the difference between now & then & know it’s because of the weight & be willing to try things just to make it easier on me.  So I’ve been trying quite a few new things with my kid’s support which is always an awesome thing.

Also thanks to my kid, I have started raiding in WoW.  I never ever could’ve imagined me doing it before this expansion, even tho I did say that if Garrosh was the final boss I’d learn how to raid just to kill him. *laughs*.  Instead, I’ve been playing alot with my kid & he has been willing to hold my hand & coach me thru heroic dungeons, help me kill stuff on Timeless Isle, & help me thru the fights in the raids the first time so I wasn’t a total idiot & get myself killed on the first try.  He’s even gone so far as to point out I’m his mom in groups if they give me crap so at least I know I’m not a total embarrassment.  And playing on there with him I have made a huge improvement in my playing.  I was even able to beat him at a fair duel a few times which I never would’ve imagined that happening since I suck at PVP & in my opinion he’s really good at it…till he get frustrated at least.  So thanks to him, I’m doing so much better at WoW than I ever would’ve guessed before this expansion came out & have only got to beat Garrosh himself so something for me to look forward to.

I know there’s more but those are probably the biggest changes.  Thanks for listening as always everyone!

Time for a rant

Yeah…I know…barely say anything for months & now here I go on a rant.  But I need this & where better to put this than on my blog?

I have in the last month or so, been looking again for a Dom.  Well…so far…not a whole lot of luck.  I’ve met some very nice men but…sadly enough they’ve been too nice or just…nothing at all clicked there.  They were sweet & kind & polite & since I am so far from polite…as well as blunt & admittedly can have a bit of an attitude…I wasn’t about to try it when both us of would’ve had to change too much of who we are to make it work.  The rest…*shakes head* I am just so fed up with as I told a friend of mine the other night who honestly has possibilities if I didn’t screw myself totally that night…I’m to the point where I’m just going to give up on men totally again because I just can’t take much more of this bullshit.

What I want to know is…why can’t these men bother to read or if they do…why does it not sink in?  Or are they just so sure of themselves & their sexual awesomeness that they ignore what you plainly state in your profile & within the first few minutes of chatting…& go for the sexual side of things right off?  If I was just looking for a man to order me around sexually they’re a dime a dozen & I sure wouldn’t warn them away…if…that was what I was wanting.  I’m beginning to think what I feel like I need…either doesn’t exist or else I can’t have.  I need someone who is much more interested in my mind & my creativeness & how they can use it & mold it to be what they know I can be & something to stimulate them & make them proud to have me.  If I found that…the sexual side of things would fall naturally into place because I’d be begging them…not having them tell me to beg them.

I don’t know if I’m being stubborn or difficult or just unlucky but I want to know someone before I submit to them…get naked & let them direct me or me write them naughty IMs or emails.  And I’ll be the first to admit that my submissive needs probably put me on the more high maintenance side of things…but it’s how I am & i’m not going to accept less even if it means being single for another 20 yrs.  I’m also don’t quite fit as what alot of men seem to think is a submissive tho honestly I think they see sub & think slave whether it’s right or not.  And after talking to alot of other women & reading alot, I’m having to wonder if I don’t have a part of me that’s a little or babygirl.  Which means…& I am very aware of this…that I can be 1 heck of a handful & it takes a very dedicated & patient man to deal with me.  I know this…which is why I get so irritated at the ones who think that it’s all about sex when for me…my submission is so much more & so far beyond sex that to equate it with that…is to cheapen it & me in the process.  Tho the other day, as i was talking to someone the other day…I have come to a conclusion about some things I need from a Dominant.

  1. I need someone who values & encourages my opinions, but can not only tell me when he thinks I’m wrong, but is willing to explain why & give an alternative to it in a way that it makes sense to me.
  2. I need someone who doesn’t mind my switch from naughty sub to spoiled princess since I can often go from being seductive to giggling & poking someone in the blink of an eye.  Thanks to my former Master I am more comfortable with my own sexualess than I ever could have imagined being…but there’s still that brat little kid side of me that comes out more as I get more comfortable with someone.
  3. I need someone who will encourage my creativity & intelligence & help me become even more than I ever thought possible.  Someone to help me not only set goals, but guide me & give me ways to accomplish them, & be proud & show me that every step of the way.
  4. I need lots of encouragement…for everything.  But when I get it…the sun will rise & set on the man who gives it to me.  Someone who can give that part of themselves to me…I will gladly give as much of me as possible in return because he deserves it.
  5. I need someone who isn’t insulted or feels slighted because most of my weekends & evenings go to spending time with my kid & just goofing off.  I’m an adult women & I can find time to incorporate someone into my life…as long as they’re willing to have patience while I’m working out the kinks on things.
  6. I have health issues…most from my weight…& since I’m losing weight these will hopefully become less & less.  Don’t get mad at me because I can’t do such & such & don’t try to take over my diet & tell me what to eat.  Encourage me…give me ideas & suggestions to help but don’t be mad if I don’t take them as I’ve lost 30 lbs…I must be doing something right.
  7.   I respond much better all around to encouragement than punishment so it’s the easier & better way to go.  Failing to please my dominant is usually more than enough punishment itself.  And here is another case where it crosses over because the punishments that work the best…seem to be little or baby girl related such as writing something 100 times, having to say what I did wrong so many times, to stand in the corner…those types of things do alot more for me than anything else I’ve found.
  8. I guess the biggest thing is…I need someone to encourage me & guide me & who doesn’t judge me & will just let me be myself…whether that be the naughty side or the silly kid side & will value both sides equally & be proud of the woman who is his in every way.

I know this was kind of random but it honestly fits no matter what kind of relationship I am in.  If anyone has any pointers or opinions I’d love to hear them & thank you so much for letting me get this off my chest.  *huggies* to everyone!

I’m thankful for…

This may not be the time of year that most people are thankful but tonight, I’m thankful that I have the awesome friends I do & have met some awesome people.  It makes the less awesome idiots I do meet more tolerable.

As I said, I’ve been meeting some new people…most of them pretty awesome…but this 1 guy I met a few days ago *shakes her head* he took the cake.  He keeps insisting he’s a dominant but all he’s concerned with is the sexual side of things, trying to push me into things I’m nowhere near ready for after knowing him for less than a week & saying himself that pleasing my dominant is what matters & if I don’t then I’m just being selfish…even when it makes me disgusted with myself & the world I should still do it because I’m just being difficult & not wanting to listen to someone who’s dominant to me.  I kept telling him if he felt that it wasn’t going to work, but did keep chatting with him just ignored every time the conversation took a sexual turn & turned it some way else.

But what was the last straw was when he told me that if we ever got together, he’d make me…& my son….quit playing WoW.  I mean it’s bad enough he doesn’t listen to anything I say but then wants to take away 1 of the few things that I truly enjoy & can meet people & love doing with my kid & friends?  And is telling me how to raise my kid when he has never even met him & didn’t even bother to ask me what I thought of it?  That was the final straw.  You can try & treat me however you want but you do not try to parent my child without asking.  Especially when you have none so you’ve not had personal experience.  Not that I’m saying if you haven’t had kids you can’t be a parent, but you really shouldn’t tell someone else what to do with a kid you don’t even know & know nothing about either.

And then in WoW I had some super intelligent & kind people (note the sarcasm there) telling me & my son that we were weak & fools & to stop bragging when if we were really good we could do blah blah blah & I just said back in chat “Wow…what supportive people we have in wow” & I bet I got 5 laughs.  And when his comeback was if you want supportive quit WoW & go find some real friends I told him that I brought my real friends to WoW with me so his help honestly wasn’t needed but thanks for the thought.  I got a few laughs from that but you know what…the people who feel the same way won’t argue with the trolls so at least they know it’s not just them.  I know I shouldn’t feed the trolls but sometimes you just gotta let everyone else know that they’re not alone.

Lastly, I want to thank my Former Master for helping me take up for myself & not just accept what I get when it’s all wrong for me.  He helped me to believe in how amazing & awesome I can be, & how so many other people see just what a special person I am even when I can’t see it or believe it.  He has helped me grow & blossom in ways I don’t think even he realizes & I want to thank him for showing me how to be a good woman, a good friend, as well as a good submissive.

*waves* Hello out there!

Was just sitting here looking at my tumblr as I was going thru it & realized that I think I’ve gotten a bit lost over the last couple of months.  And with my closest friends both having internet/computer issues the last few days, it’s made me realize just how much so.

I’ve been on SL & fetlife & even Tumblr trying to meet new people but it seems the more new people I meet, the more I want to just stay in my head & never come out.  I’m well aware that part of it is my fault as I tend to act before I think & let my naughty bits lead me more than I should but is it wrong of me to want someone who wouldn’t take advantage of that fact…especially after i told them I’m prone to doing that & that it’s what always messes things up…if things ever make it past my awkward shy self that is.  I guess I could always consider that 1 of the breaking points but call me impatient or whatever but I hate wasting the time & effort to get to that point then finding out that they’re not as interested in me being their sub as they are about getting me off or getting in my pants.  I’m to the point where I’d rather spend the rest of the life alone with the characters in my writing than take the chance with another man.  Especially since I know what I want & seem to have no real clue how to find it…or maybe not the patience.  *laughs* sometimes having social anxiety just sucks.

Anyway…I guess I’m done with my rant. *laughs*  This little kitten is still waiting for her collar & someone to make her his so I guess…I’ll stay in my head a bit more then try it yet again…see if maybe I can get it right or strike it lucky again this time. *sighs*

This week’s assignment a day early

What do you think are the top five qualities any Master should have?

This random topic comes at an opportune time for me as I’ve been thinking about things like this alot lately.  So let’s see how this goes.

Communication/Openness – you must be able to talk about anything & everything with your submissive…even if it’s an uncomfortable topic for 1 or both of you if you can’t share everything then there’s no point in trying to make a relationship as without communication & openness, it’s just another form of role play.  You have someone else’s life in your hands…if you can’t talk to them about anything & everything, & they don’t feel safe enough to do the same with you, then it’s not much of a relationship to begin with.

Self-control/Consistency – you have to remember that you are responsible for another person’s well being & being consistent & not allowing your emotions to lead you is the best way to do that.  Most submissiveness need & crave that structure…thrive on knowing what’s going to happen if they do or don’t complete a task or assignment as told.  Forgetting to praise them is as bad as not punishing them as it can cause pain & loss of respect if done frequently.  And if they can’t respect you, they can’t give themselves over to you fully & there again it just becomes shallow roleplaying.

Respectful – Never let them doubt that you value them for them…for what they are…& for what they give to you.  Humiliation is great at times for many submissives but only because they know how much you value them & how important they are to you.  you want them to respect you so do the same for them.

Compassionate/Patient – Everyone has off days so you need to have the patience & understanding to deal with those.  And to help your submissive grow & become the amazing person you know that they are underneath everything.  That takes both because for some people there’s so much fear that it seems for every step forward you take 2 steps back.  But if you’ll just be there beside them every step of the way, holding their hand even if only figuratively, you’ll both be blessed by the person who comes out the other side.

Loyalty – The strength of heart & character to stay true to what you promise & be there for the 1 who gives him or herself to you body heart soul & mind.  That is probably the most important thing as without loyalty…knowing that no matter what you’re there for them & will care for them & show them what they can really be…there’s no need for anything else as it would all just be hollow & game playing.

These in my opinion…mostly from my own experience & chats with others…are what I value most in the man I submit to.  If I am going to give him all of me, these qualities are the least of what I expect in return because if he can’t give me these…then the need to submit simply won’t be there.  When I give myself I give everything & i expect at least the same consideration back.  And the man who can do that…I will be eternally grateful to *smiles*

 

This has been going thru my head

It sucks to have everything you could ever want sitting right there in front of you…just to have something come in & take it away from you.  Be it circumstances or life or whatever else it is…it sucks no matter what.  For some people it’s rl getting in the way of their internet love…for others it’s a lover coming back to claim what’s his after neglecting them for so long they thought it was over…& for still more people it’s them feeling neglected & waiting for some miracle & their partner never seeming to notice what it is they’re doing to them no matter how much time is invested.  It’s loss either way & something that I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy.

And it can happen in any type of relationship…friendship because yes…your soulmate doesn’t have to be romantic in nature…your partner…your lover…even in D/s relationships it can happen where a Dominant is so taken with a sub but never feels appreciated or in a sub whose Dominant is so involved in other aspects of his life that she feels almost like an afterthought.  1 of my good online friends just went thru something like this over the last few days & it’s made me think a lot about it & how much we’ve all had it happen & how I wish it could never happen to anyone again.

Something I just read

Was going thru Tumblr this morning & found a post that…it says so much about everything I’ve been feeling the last few weeks but had no idea how to put it into words.  And it makes me feel so much better because I thought all this time that I was just being selfish & needy & too pushy & all sorts of horrid subbie things when actually i’m feeling exactly the way I should be feeling.  So many things in this are perfect…even down to my driving need to have more tasks to do.  I feel so much better even as I feel worse after reading this.    Thanks everyone for letting me post this here!

http://beautifulkink.tumblr.com/post/52760769784/bgood4daddy-made-rebloggable-very-important