Day 5 Gratitude Challenge

What is different today than a year ago that you are grateful for?

The fact that even if I’ve only lost about 5 lbs in the last year, I can now actually walk short distances without wanting to die or pass out…no more than half a block or so but it’s more than I could do this time last year so I’m thrilled to tears to do it because at least now I can go out to eat with my kid & his girlfriend & not be too miserable to eat once I get into the restaurant.  Oh & I can tie my shoes on the bus again yays!

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Day 4 Gratitude challenge

What accomplishments in your life have brought you the most happiness?

Probably being told that I raised a good kid, &/or told I did a good job with him & have a good kid.  Coming from someone who was told from 16 she’d never have kids without a lot of work & even that was iffy, so I never even thought about kids, that’s a huge compliment & makes all the doubts worth it.

1st day of a Gratitude Challenge

I figured I was doing 1 of these on facebook, but also want to do 1 here because I think the more I do it the better off I’ll be.  I know it’s a day late starting but meh…I can do 2 today to make up for it. *laughs*

What made you smile today?

That my kid’s girlfriend shoved him out of the way to hug me after I hugged him, saying it was her turn.  Something simple but gave me a good chuckle…especially the look on his face until he laughed about it too.

TMI Tuesday

Hi peeps! It’s been a long day, I’m exhausted. No energy to be creative for TMI Tuesdayso I ripped these questions (and modified) from a dating website.

Yes, I’m listening…

garfields listening_tmi
1. Who has been the biggest influence in your life?   I’d have to say my son because I’ve had to do & learn so many things & face parts of myself I didn’t want to ever find let alone admit to or face & I wouldn’t have been able to do any of it if it wasn’t for him & knowing he needed me to do it whether he ever knew it or not.

2. What kinds of things really make you laugh?    All sorts of things…usually juvenile humor, sarcasm, or cats lol they’re guaranteed to get a laugh out of me.

3. What’s your favorite place in the entire world?    I guess my house since I don’t really have any other place.  Used to be my grandma’s in her kitchen/dining room with her but now…I guess it’s my bed on a stormy night laughing at the cats & my kid all joining me.

4. Who is your best friend? What do you like about him/her?    Arial & *laughs* I’ve covered that a few times – Here as well as in various other places.

5. What’s your biggest goal in life right now?    Lose this weight & become the person I know I can be

6. What was your family like growing up?    It was always interesting & we adopted all the strays…both pets *laughs* & kids it seemed like.

Bonus: What is one thing about you that would surprise us?    That I’m scared of my own shadow even now & so much a frightened little girl who sometimes feels so alone in the world

Here we go

Ok…first update…let’s see how this goes.  First off…have actually done better with my eating I think.  The having to stop & take a picture if it’s over my already done menu is doing some good I think so that’s a plus.  And I have managed to lose 3 lbs this week so I’m doubly happy for that.  My Weight Watchers online tracker is griping at me for losing more than 2 lbs a week but I know me & it does happen occasionally…I’ve not made myself go without to make it happen so I’m good with it.

Also still have a few profiles up here & there & been on SL a bit…have met a few people but nothing to get excited about so far as I’ve barely talked to most of them.  I’m not holding my breath or even imagining it’s going somewhere but I do like & need to meet new people so still trying it all the same.

I also…with the help of my darling child *laughs* am on the next to the last batch on WoW for my legendary cloak.  have about 4 weeks to get it so I just hope I can cause if not I think I’ll just break down & cry after us working so hard to get it.

Other than that…not much has happened…had a few times where I thought I saw Duncan out of the corner of my eye but I figure that will happen for weeks or months still.  Right now I have his urn sitting on my desk so at least he’s there for good…even if not right in the middle like he was.  Been staying at work more to get out of the house some, & my best friend came over for chicken & noodle/TV watching day so that was good too.  Am tired of the rain but happy about it being cooler inside so just kind of seeing how things go all around right now.  Huggies to everyone & have a good week!

My baby

2 weeks ago, I had to put my oldest cat Duncan to sleep.  Anyone who has followed me for a bit has heard about him at least once…I even did a post about him & my other cats during a 30 days challenge a while back.  Even in that post he was showing signs of the end coming but thankfully we had a few more good months.

About halfway thru last month tho, there started some clear signs that it was coming soon…very soon.  There were a couple of days where he would barely eat or drink & I finally told him if he didn’t start at least eating I was going to have to take him in & put him to sleep.  So the next day he started eating better…just like he’d heard me & realized “Oh crap she means it I better get with it.”  Well then our air conditioner died, & we had the hottest days of the summer a couple of weeks after that had happened.  He got so hot that I was laying him on the desk & not only putting cool water on his pawpads & ears but wiping him down with a cool damp cloth every 20 minutes or so…& forcing him to drink cool water once an hour or so in an effort to keep him from getting heat stroke.  He was showing all the beginning signs & we really didn’t think he was going to make it but lo & behold…he did…by some welcome miracle.

On the 18th…things were doing fine that morning…he’d been extra lovey for the last few days & wanted attention & was purring when I held him for the first time in a couple of months but I figured it was because he seemed to feel better since he was still eating & drinking just fine.  I got home, & he wanted on the desk so I put him up here.  He stayed up there, drank some, loved my hand some while he laid there, & ate a little bit, but then wanted down.  After he got down, I noticed a hand sized wet spot on my desk which should not have been there.  So I followed him into the bedroom, since he always sleeps on my bed if he wasn’t in here with me at the desk, & saw numerous spots on the bed as well.  I spent the next 20 minutes laying in there with him & by that time…i knew the time had come.  My first cat, Bit, had died of kidney failure, so I knew what I was seeing & wasn’t going to make him hang on till the bitter end.  Especially not when anyone could tell he was miserable.  So I called the vet’s office, & scheduled the appointment for that afternoon after I got done with work & my son got home from school.

My son had to hold him while we drove to the vet’s, & even he knew it was time because Duncan didn’t do anything other than reow his unhappiness at having to go somewhere again.  Even once we got there, he didn’t try to get away or make alot of noise, just some token wiggling & grumbling to show he was still there & with us.  My dad had gone with us so all 3 of us went in the room where I held Duncan while the sedative took effect, after the vet looked him over & listened to what I had to say & agreed it sounded like I was right.  She was 1 I hadn’t dealt with before but I’m glad it was her because she handled it all beautifully…caring but to the point.  I hadn’t stayed with Bit when she was put to sleep but this time…I was still petting him till she told me he was gone.  I just couldn’t watch even if I was there & trying to love him till the end because…he gave me so much the least I could do was be with him the whole way.

Thankfully…there has been no guilt at all because the look in his eyes before I called the vet…he was ready…& I think he’d known it was coming for the few days before & was doing what he could to get that last bit in before it was done.  That explains the sudden need for me to hold him for an hour at a time…him purring while I was doing it…why he was insisting on sleeping on my head & arm so much the nights before…we were both ready which has made it so much easier…I guess as easy as something like this can be.  *chuckles* I’ll admit I’ve gone thru a few napkins while writing this since I use those instead of Kleenex but I thought it was time.  It still hurts & I do miss him but…he had a good life & enjoyed it I think & i think he’s happy wherever he’s at now.  The other 2 cats have been a help as well since thanks to them I’ve been able to let go as well as I can until we get his ashes back.

I remember the little scrawny kitten he was when my ex-boyfriend’s mom gave him to us, I remember the huge cow he became after my ex brought him to me because his ex-girlfriend hated the cat, & I remember him laying his head on my shoulder just looking at me like I was stupid…purring the whole time because even if he thought I was being stupid he was perfectly happy to be there.  He was my baby & there’ll never be another like him & he won’t be forgotten.  Thank you Duncan for being there.

Duncan when he was named Penny at about 4 months old

Duncan when he was named Penny at about 4 months old

Duncan at 12 being spoiled as always

Duncan at 12 being spoiled as always

His last picture

His last picture

30 Day Blog Challenge Day 24

Oddly enough this is on mother’s day so it’s kind of fitting.

Day 24 – 24. Things you want to say to 5 different people.

Thank you to my mom…for everything.  And a large part of that thanks goes to helping show me how to raise my kid…even if she never even got to see him.

I know I’m a stick in the mood cranky whiny idiot alot of the time but thanks to you those times happen alot less than they could so thank you for staying so long we’re stuck with each other – to my best friend

No matter how annoyed & frustrated & cranky & boohooey I may get…I would never trade you in a million years for anything.  You are my surprise & I love you for it – to my son

Grow up & act like an adult already – 1 of the people I’ve had to deal with at my kid’s school

Thank you for showing me I deserve better & helping me figure out what that is – all my exes

And happy mother’s day to everyone because either they have a mother or are a mother…doesn’t matter if their kids are human or furry or feathery or swim or made of porcelain…all of us deserve a day to remember how awesome we can be & how awesome they were for us…because even the bad ones teach you alot…if only about how not to be that way yourself.  So huggies & thanks to everyone once again!

*laughs* Well I was getting better

Yeah I know it’s been a few days but I’ve been spending alot more time reading old stories, playing on WoW & on SecondLife & not as much soul searching so there hasn’t been as much to write about.  But today I just had to get on here & do this.  Me, 1 of my friends, & my son were playing on WoW in a dungeon together which is always an advantage for us because me & my friend are not spectacular players & have awesome DPS…even with BOAs. *laughs* Which means if the 3 of us go in together, we don’t have to worry about being kicked for being newbz or sucky DPS & can actually do what we’re supposed to instead of having to worry about our DPS.  Well today, I had my first jerk for a healer.  I’m used to the tank being a jerk or the other DPS but usually the healer is either completely quiet or nice & patient with those of us who are less than awesome in some people’s eyes.  Not today tho.  Her & the tank left us behind, then get upset when we griped about all 3 DPS getting left behind.  It ended with the healer saying you shouldn’t be rude to the healer because then you don’t get healed, so the 3 of us ended up just taking our time since 1 of us was a shadow priest & could heal in an emergency.  Which is what ended up happening because while we were killing the mass of mobs in the room before the last boss in Blackfathom Deeps, we wiped because she let the tank die.  My kid mass rezzed us, the healer left the group then the tank left just a few seconds after…after being quiet the whole dungeon except to ask us if we could get along.  He was new & poor him got stuck in a seriously crappy mess but what can you do?  So me being a hunter I put my pet on Tenacity, & our Shadow Priest got a crash course in healing where we managed to finish clearing the trash in that room so we could open the door…& didn’t die.  So we went in…my kid sapped a few turtles to keep them out of our hair & we told the shadow priest to spam heal my pet while me & my kid DPSed the last boss down.  And we did it without even getting really close to dying.  3 on level DPS soloed that boss…with a spider pet for a tank & a shadow priest who had never healed before as the healer & a hell of a good rogue as the other DPS who ended up as tank during the last few seconds after my pet died.  It was awesome & so much fun…I’m kind of glad the other 2 left because after that…the 3 of us felt awesome.  My kid may be a bit of a jerk sometimes & mouthy but when it counts…we got it done & he doesn’t let anyone get away with stupid things which I’m proud of.

The 3 of us after we did the last boss as a DPS threesome

The 3 of us after we did the last boss as a DPS threesome

Now I’m off to spend more Lindens I don’t have in SecondLife so hope everyone’s holidays are going well so far & promise to post before Christmas!

PS – *laughs* I’ve even lost 23 lbs & lost over 5% of my starting body weight so all in all been a good few weeks & hope it’s been the same for all of you!

Thanksgiving

I know I’ve not been on here as much as I’d like but you know how the real world goes.  But I wanted to get this out & posted before I had to go start cooking.  So here are some things I’m thankful for.

Everyone who reads this blog & comments.  I know alot of you are lurkers like me but just knowing you thought something I posted was interesting enough to make you want to follow this blog & read more is a great feeling.  So I thank each & every one of you for your continued support.

Secondly, I want to thank all the bloggers I read.  I know I sometimes lurk but I do try to comment & like when something really touches me or makes me laugh or sometimes just to let you know that someone else is there & cares about you & what you write.  I’m looking forward to continuing on your journeys with you & want to all thank you for letting me follow along with you thru them.

I also want to thank my online friends or just people who’ve been kind to me online over the last year.  Some great people I’ve met thru this blog, some on SecondLife, & plenty of them on WoW.  Some of you will never know what a difference it makes but believe me, it does make 1 heck of a difference.

I also want to thank the people in my real life & whatever higher force you believe in for helping me out & dealing with my whinyness & crying & frustrations about trying to lose weight & helping me thru my cat getting so sick to seeing me out the other side.  You guys deserve a bigger thanks than I can give you but what can I really say?

Thank you to my best friend for putting up with me & still trying to squeeze in at least a hi heifer how you doing even tho she’s working her butt off & having to deal with so much rl stuff right now there’s almost no time for anything else.  it means alot.

Thank you to my former Master for believing in me & helping me to be comfortable with who I am for the first time in…ever…& for helping me to find even more about me & more reasons to like me.  And for still popping in to check on me from time to time.  Even if he didn’t realize it before his patience & understanding made a huge difference in my life…for the better I think.

And lastly to my son…even tho he won’t read this he still deserves a world of thanks.  His love & patience & humor & just him has changed me more than any other person in the world & he has put up with so much & deserves so much more but he’s mine & that’s all that counts.  I hope he gets at least half of what he deserves out of life because face it…who gets everything but I can just hope & pray he gets more than enough to be happy & healthy & I hope he never has to question how important he is to me & the world.

So there we go…a big thanks from me to you & you & you…hope your day today even if you don’t celebrate Thanksgiving is a good 1 & thank you 1 more time for being here.