I’m realizing now why I’ve always so enjoyed having my friends come over to my house even if it’s only once every week or so for a couple of hours. It’s not a good thing at all for me to be alone as much as I have been the last few months. Between me current state of mind from too much alone time, & school not being out soon enough, I’m in a place I’ve not been in in years. I’d be ok if it was just work, or just the alone time but since it’s both…it sucks. I don’t like who I am or how I feel or what I do right now but I can’t seem to stop or keep from it unless I just go to sleep & sleeping my life away isn’t going to do me any good either. But I’m at a total loss as to what to do to make any of it better. And me trying to lose weight on top of feeling like this…that just makes it worse cause I can’t eat to distract myself any longer so I’m miserable which makes me more miserable & want to eat more which makes me bitchier which makes me more miserable so it just goes round & round & round. I just feel so unneeded right now. Not unwanted…unneeded. Not even useless but…as a babygirl/sub/whatever you want to call me as well as just me being who I am, I need to feel like I’m needed & helping others & I’ve not felt like that in weeks. And that right there is the main thing that’s slowly wearing me down. I’m starting to wonder if I’m going to make it till we’re out of school before I hit the breaking point because it’s not going to be pretty if I still am in because I will become a hell bitch on wheels. That’s my self defense when I hurt & feel like I have a gaping sore inside me somewhere & you can’t do that & not alienate people or even worse screw up your job because you hurt. So right now, I’m just hoping & praying I last 3 more weeks till it’s done & then…I’ll see what I can do to fix myself over the summer. It can be done I just have to figure out how.
Anyway…I’ve had my emotional spill for the year *laughs* oh & 1 other thing…when I posted the other day, I got a post from WordPress telling me it was my 5 year anniversary so yays me! Thanks to everyone whose been along for the ride on this & the first blog I had…means so much! Hope you all have a great rest of the day & a good week!