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Just some thoughts

I have realized over the last few days of thinking that…I’m so scared.  Scared of everything…of being alone, of disappointing someone, at finding someone & it not working out or them finding someone that isn’t as needy & demanding clingy as I oftentimes feel I am…I live with so much fear I don’t know how I can function some days.  It’s why I gained weight & can’t lose it because with this weight…it’s so easy to not go anywhere or meet anyone cause I feel so crappy all of the time…& there’s always the voice that points out since I’m so fat no 1 will want me anyway unless it’s for a hole to stick it in…which leads into even more fear & upset & pain because even now I have trouble saying no to people who I know aren’t good for me.  I come so close to letting so many people do terrible things to my self-esteem just because I want to feel for 1 moment that I belong to someone…& yes I have gotten a hell of a lot better at saying no & not only avoiding but seeing those types of people earlier on but it’s still so frustrating & upsetting.  And when I do meet decent people…I do stupid things & freak out & do everything in my subconscious power to get rid of them that I end up just not bothering because it’s not worth putting me or them thru it.  So I’m hoping I’m going to be able to lose this weight now so I feel better & can do things before I’m too old or my kid’s too old to enjoy it.  And maybe then…I’ll be able to finally have what I want…& be someone’s.

Thanks for listening to this rant & also to all the people who helped with the “littles” links…I’ve been looking at those alot too so thank you so much!


8 thoughts on “Just some thoughts

  1. Everything you want is on the other side of fear…..forget whose quote that is….repeat. it daily. Helped me

    You’re a lovely person. Don’t lose hope.


    Liked by 1 person

    • *smiles* Thanks for the comment & so sorry it took so long but real life was having its way with me *laughs* And honestly for me just knowing it’s not just me usually does alot of good so I wish you all the luck as I know how much it can suck.


    • Oh thank you so much…that’s the sweetest thing I’ve heard in a while & something I’ve needed to hear lately so thank you…hopefully will get with it soon enough to post my own post soon *huggies* And thank you so much for the patience as always. *smiles*


  2. It’s amazing to me how different I feel we are and then you write this, a blog that serves as a personal mirror.


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