Yeah…I know…barely say anything for months & now here I go on a rant. But I need this & where better to put this than on my blog?
I have in the last month or so, been looking again for a Dom. Well…so far…not a whole lot of luck. I’ve met some very nice men but…sadly enough they’ve been too nice or just…nothing at all clicked there. They were sweet & kind & polite & since I am so far from polite…as well as blunt & admittedly can have a bit of an attitude…I wasn’t about to try it when both us of would’ve had to change too much of who we are to make it work. The rest…*shakes head* I am just so fed up with as I told a friend of mine the other night who honestly has possibilities if I didn’t screw myself totally that night…I’m to the point where I’m just going to give up on men totally again because I just can’t take much more of this bullshit.
What I want to know is…why can’t these men bother to read or if they do…why does it not sink in? Or are they just so sure of themselves & their sexual awesomeness that they ignore what you plainly state in your profile & within the first few minutes of chatting…& go for the sexual side of things right off? If I was just looking for a man to order me around sexually they’re a dime a dozen & I sure wouldn’t warn them away…if…that was what I was wanting. I’m beginning to think what I feel like I need…either doesn’t exist or else I can’t have. I need someone who is much more interested in my mind & my creativeness & how they can use it & mold it to be what they know I can be & something to stimulate them & make them proud to have me. If I found that…the sexual side of things would fall naturally into place because I’d be begging them…not having them tell me to beg them.
I don’t know if I’m being stubborn or difficult or just unlucky but I want to know someone before I submit to them…get naked & let them direct me or me write them naughty IMs or emails. And I’ll be the first to admit that my submissive needs probably put me on the more high maintenance side of things…but it’s how I am & i’m not going to accept less even if it means being single for another 20 yrs. I’m also don’t quite fit as what alot of men seem to think is a submissive tho honestly I think they see sub & think slave whether it’s right or not. And after talking to alot of other women & reading alot, I’m having to wonder if I don’t have a part of me that’s a little or babygirl. Which means…& I am very aware of this…that I can be 1 heck of a handful & it takes a very dedicated & patient man to deal with me. I know this…which is why I get so irritated at the ones who think that it’s all about sex when for me…my submission is so much more & so far beyond sex that to equate it with that…is to cheapen it & me in the process. Tho the other day, as i was talking to someone the other day…I have come to a conclusion about some things I need from a Dominant.
- I need someone who values & encourages my opinions, but can not only tell me when he thinks I’m wrong, but is willing to explain why & give an alternative to it in a way that it makes sense to me.
- I need someone who doesn’t mind my switch from naughty sub to spoiled princess since I can often go from being seductive to giggling & poking someone in the blink of an eye. Thanks to my former Master I am more comfortable with my own sexualess than I ever could have imagined being…but there’s still that brat little kid side of me that comes out more as I get more comfortable with someone.
- I need someone who will encourage my creativity & intelligence & help me become even more than I ever thought possible. Someone to help me not only set goals, but guide me & give me ways to accomplish them, & be proud & show me that every step of the way.
- I need lots of encouragement…for everything. But when I get it…the sun will rise & set on the man who gives it to me. Someone who can give that part of themselves to me…I will gladly give as much of me as possible in return because he deserves it.
- I need someone who isn’t insulted or feels slighted because most of my weekends & evenings go to spending time with my kid & just goofing off. I’m an adult women & I can find time to incorporate someone into my life…as long as they’re willing to have patience while I’m working out the kinks on things.
- I have health issues…most from my weight…& since I’m losing weight these will hopefully become less & less. Don’t get mad at me because I can’t do such & such & don’t try to take over my diet & tell me what to eat. Encourage me…give me ideas & suggestions to help but don’t be mad if I don’t take them as I’ve lost 30 lbs…I must be doing something right.
- I respond much better all around to encouragement than punishment so it’s the easier & better way to go. Failing to please my dominant is usually more than enough punishment itself. And here is another case where it crosses over because the punishments that work the best…seem to be little or baby girl related such as writing something 100 times, having to say what I did wrong so many times, to stand in the corner…those types of things do alot more for me than anything else I’ve found.
- I guess the biggest thing is…I need someone to encourage me & guide me & who doesn’t judge me & will just let me be myself…whether that be the naughty side or the silly kid side & will value both sides equally & be proud of the woman who is his in every way.
I know this was kind of random but it honestly fits no matter what kind of relationship I am in. If anyone has any pointers or opinions I’d love to hear them & thank you so much for letting me get this off my chest. *huggies* to everyone!