Last night, I was sitting here singing in a friend of mine’s ear on Skype & dancing with my cat, & decided I wanted or rather needed to post a quick blog. Because I am now unowned for the first time since last December. We’re still friends & that’s what matters to me. And brave little me has gotten out there & made a few posts so maybe I’ll at least make some new friends if not get lucky & find more. Not that I’m really looking but still. I’m also not dumb enough to ignore it if something else does end up happening, either. *chuckles* I am still gonna try to post here at least twice a week & if anyone has any ideas for topics feel free to send them my way! *laughs* But I mainly just wanted it on record that I am not in a relationship any longer & that I do plan on keeping this blog going even with that happening. Thanks to everyone for reading!
Something awesome I ran across & wanted to share with everyone as it’s more true than anything I’ve read about submissives or myself lately.
this is an absolutely AMAZING post about wants vs. needs of a submissive. please read it in it’s entirety. i will be studying this assiduously:
What Do I Need From My Dominant? The Care and Feeding of a submissive
This page was originally started to be a guideline for submissives but in retrospect I think it may better serve the Dominants who may happen to land here. Perhaps it may provide some insight to both sides of the equation.
I Want vs. I Need
We often confuse these two things: I want and I need. Although they may seem to be the same at first glance, there is a huge difference in the two. We want a lot of things in life; money, new cars, a beautiful home, success, and hot fudge sundaes, just to name a few, but how many of them do we really need? Very…
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What do you think are the top five qualities any Master should have?
This random topic comes at an opportune time for me as I’ve been thinking about things like this alot lately. So let’s see how this goes.
Communication/Openness – you must be able to talk about anything & everything with your submissive…even if it’s an uncomfortable topic for 1 or both of you if you can’t share everything then there’s no point in trying to make a relationship as without communication & openness, it’s just another form of role play. You have someone else’s life in your hands…if you can’t talk to them about anything & everything, & they don’t feel safe enough to do the same with you, then it’s not much of a relationship to begin with.
Self-control/Consistency – you have to remember that you are responsible for another person’s well being & being consistent & not allowing your emotions to lead you is the best way to do that. Most submissiveness need & crave that structure…thrive on knowing what’s going to happen if they do or don’t complete a task or assignment as told. Forgetting to praise them is as bad as not punishing them as it can cause pain & loss of respect if done frequently. And if they can’t respect you, they can’t give themselves over to you fully & there again it just becomes shallow roleplaying.
Respectful – Never let them doubt that you value them for them…for what they are…& for what they give to you. Humiliation is great at times for many submissives but only because they know how much you value them & how important they are to you. you want them to respect you so do the same for them.
Compassionate/Patient – Everyone has off days so you need to have the patience & understanding to deal with those. And to help your submissive grow & become the amazing person you know that they are underneath everything. That takes both because for some people there’s so much fear that it seems for every step forward you take 2 steps back. But if you’ll just be there beside them every step of the way, holding their hand even if only figuratively, you’ll both be blessed by the person who comes out the other side.
Loyalty – The strength of heart & character to stay true to what you promise & be there for the 1 who gives him or herself to you body heart soul & mind. That is probably the most important thing as without loyalty…knowing that no matter what you’re there for them & will care for them & show them what they can really be…there’s no need for anything else as it would all just be hollow & game playing.
These in my opinion…mostly from my own experience & chats with others…are what I value most in the man I submit to. If I am going to give him all of me, these qualities are the least of what I expect in return because if he can’t give me these…then the need to submit simply won’t be there. When I give myself I give everything & i expect at least the same consideration back. And the man who can do that…I will be eternally grateful to *smiles*
I know I’ve not been posting on here like I was but I’ve been in my own head alot…& on World of Warcraft an awful lot…as well as watching way too much Supernatural. *laughs* But I’ve needed this time to think & get in my head & be sure of what I want & what I can do to get it. I do want to thank my best friend for listening to me griping & groaning & whining & moaning & just letting me bitch so I can think out loud because that probably does more good than anything else. And I want to thank my Master for his patience as I know I’ve evolved into much more than the woman he first met & *laughs* he’s just now realizing how full his hands are with me. And lastly thank you for everyone who reads these…kisses to all of you!
How do you keep focused when you are having a hard day?
That’s actually a problem I’ve been having quite a bit over the last few weeks. I’m on vacation from work over the summer so I’ve kind of been drifting more than I should. I work best with a strict schedule laid out for me & either punishment or consequences for not following that & since I don’t even work on SL anymore…I have no punishments or consequences for not doing what I know I should. So…it gets harder & harder to stay focused & do what I need to do…the motivation isn’t there at all & it’s all I can do most days to make myself do the bare minimum I can get away with. And it’s a self feeding cycle…the longer I go without a real strict day laid out the less I want to do anything which means my schedule gets floppier…you get the picture. For a while it was enough to know I’d disappoint someone if I didn’t do what I was supposed to but I’ve been getting into my own head so much lately since I’ve had so much time alone & even that doesn’t work half the time anymore. I feel adrift in my own life & honestly…I can’t keep focused which is why this was a good topic. Maybe me just putting this down & out there while help give me a little focus & motivation…enough to get done what needs to be done each day to please myself & everyone else who is close to me. Thanks as always for taking the time to read this & hugs to everyone as always!
What is your favorite ‘guilty pleasure’?
It’s food…of course…& has to be either jalapeno cheddar cheese dip with my popcorn…or peanut butter chocolate/fudge ice cream. I can’t think of anything more guilty or pleasing to me right now. Oh & raising kittycats on SecondLife if only cause they take so much rl money since I have way more of them than I should *laughs*. Since I’m on a salt restricted diet & trying to lose weight as well both of the food items are something I can have only in very limited qualities but honestly…the ice c ream especially…would only be a once in a while thing because it is so rich to me I couldn’t handle it every time. Which is why alot of times it’s a reward to me for some goal I’ve set. I can’t have it often so it makes me special…which in turn makes it feel like I’ve really accomplished something to be able to eat it. I know that’s not the best idea on a diet but it has worked on more than 1 occasion to get me to my goal. What else can I say tho…the simple things in life are what I love the best *smiles*.
Thank you so much for this everyone & now here’s the final part of the simple pleasures assignment *smiles*
13. that initial warmth you feel on your skin when you first go outside…before you realize it’s either hot or cold & the sun hits it & it’s just like pure warmth or light you can feel. It’s my favorite thing about going outside becuase no matter what the weather…the first warm burst of sunshine on your skin is enough to make pretty much anyone feel better…either warm & safe or happy or peaceful or whatever it does for them personally. I just know that there’s nothing better than that feeling…warms me up both inside & out.
14. laughing with arial till we sound like we’re dying or having great sex…And here we come to my last simple pleasure. This is probably the longest lasting 1 as I can remember doing this when we were both teenagers which means it’s been many many years ago. To be able to laugh so hard & so completely open with someone is a gift that alot of people never have. When we get to this point we usually have tears rolling down our faces & it just takes 1 look & then we’re howling again. It comes from so many years of friendship that i’ve been blessed to have that all we need is that 1 look or to hear the other 1 giggle that in cases like this…1 of us ends up having to either close their eyes & plug up their ears, or else leave the room or we’ll never stop because it’s just so amazing to be able to laugh that easily again. It’s something alot of people lose as they grow up & it’s a shame because there’s nothing that feels better & the calm & warmth inside after is the best.
Thank you very much for everyone who stuck around to read this whole list. I am so honored to have you guys as part of my journey & thank you so much!
Sorry that this is late being posted but have been dealing with some issues & haven’t been able to get in a good headspace to do them till now so here’s my next 3 things that are my simplest pleasures or pure moments & my 5 or so minutes of writing about them.
10. the warmth from the other person’s body when i’m being held…not even during sex necessarily but it can be while watching a movie or TV, just sitting around talking, in bed either morning or bedtime before or after sleep…just the feel of their body in line with mine is enough to make me squee quite happily. It makes me feel so warm & content & wanted & needed there’s just not much else in the world that I can think of that even begins to compare to that feeling. And honestly I think it’s the nonsexual times when that warmth & feeling of them pressed against you that’s even more priceless & valuable than any time during sex…except maybe when someone has me on my hand & knees & their chest is basically laying right along my back…that is the other time when it’s absolutely awesome & amazing.
11. looking over at Arial to see the look on her face when we’re watching a movie…that is 1 of my favorite things to do. I love to look over here so I can try to gauge what she thinks of a specific scene or line of dialogue or something. And it makes me even more happy when she reacts to whatever it is in a good way or surprised or whatever I was half expecting her to react like because it’s just great for me to think that she’s thinking that much like me. I know her husband accuses us of sharing a brain but *laughs* dammit if I don’t love it when we have almost the same thought at the same things in a TV show & just about prove that comment right. Makes me feel like i belong in a way that nothing else can.
12. killing something that has killed me before on WoW…now this is just about the ultimate awesome. I kind of suck at wow…i’ll be the first to admit it but I try my hardest. But since I just can’t seem to get it right…I do tend to be able to get killed probably alot easier than I should. So when I finally can go back & annihilate something that basically bent me over a barrel & had its way with me earlier…yes…I am 1 of those players who jump up out of their seat, doing a happy dance while screaming not so nice happy dance songs at whatever I just came back & killed in revenge. *laughs* I get way to into it I know but that feeling when I can dance on its body…that’s the most awesome part of WoW for me because it proves that even tho I may suck compared to most people…I do get better eventually & I will come back & rip you a new 1 if you kill me Mister Idiot NPC lol
And there’s my next 3 things. The next post should be tomorrow or Sunday & it’ll be the last 2 things. So hope you all are enjoying these & can’t wait to share the last 2 with all of you!
And here’s the next 3 things that are my simplest pleasures or pure moments & my 5 or so minutes of writing about them.
7. the feel of a man caressing my face then burying his hands in my hair…the caring & protectiveness & possession just can’t be beat there – the way it makes me feel & the way it physically feels…there aren’t many things in the world that can compare to it. as i said…it’s the warmth of their skin against mine…that slight pressure that makes me feel like they’re almost marking me…it’s something I miss so badly at times yet there’s other times I can close my eyes & practically feel the touch of his hand…slight roughness of the hair on his knuckles as well as his few rough spots on his fingers from his working…the smell of him…it’s enough to make me ache & cry when I realize it’s not really there. It’s a sad fact that something that can bring me such joy & pleasure is also the source of 1 of my biggest hurts.
8. watching my kid sleep – he’s just into his teenage years so right now it’s more priceless than ever to just watch him sleep. the comfort the freedom the total relaxation at knowing everything’s safe & I’m there & nothing’s going to happen to him. None of the tossing & turning & fretting that we as adults too his sleep is still mostly unspoiled by stress since he’s not lost much of his innocence about how the world works yet…for which I’m more glad than anyone can know. For his life to have been like it has been up to this point…with me having to do it mostly myself since my friends & dad couldn’t help me 24/7…watching him when he’s good & asleep & dead to the world brings me a peace that I almost ever feel because I know that somehow…I may not be the best mom but I’m his & he knows it & is just fine with it.
9. hearing the ding of my cellphone or my email & checking it to find that someone has messaged me just because they wanted to talk to me…that is another thing I’m sure most people love but since this is my list hahahaha I’ll go on all I care for about it *grins*. It makes me feel special & needed & wanted & i know that someone else is thinking about me as much as I sometimes think about them & that’s always 1 of the best feelings there is…to know they think about you just like you think about them. Even if you’re not madly in love with whoever it is..just knowing they care is more than enough to make that little ding or short little clip from your favorite song mean so much more than it could & normally would mean. So I want to thank everyone who has ever given me that moment of joy by texting me or kiking me or emailing me & letting me know they were thinking about me…it means more than I could ever possibly put into words. *smiles*
And there we go LOL I didn’t think I’d finish this tonight but by golly I did. The next 1 will be posted probably Tuesday or Wednesday so the last will be on Friday or next Saturday. Thank you everyone for reading these & liking them…it means alot to know some of you feel the same about some of my favorite things. *smiles*
Ok…here are the next 3 entries on my simple pleasures/pleasing moments. Will post the next 3 in a few more days so hope you enjoy them as much as I have!
4. Being told I have done something well or did a good job or my effort’s appreciated – of course I’m like anyone there & like my effort to be recognized but I think for someone who is more submissive like I am it is special in a way it’s almost impossible to explain to someone who doesn’t feel that almost overwhelming urge to serve & please someone else. To be told I’m a good girl because i’ve done a task right..yes it’s nice to be told it was ok or I did a good job but to be a good girl…that is like omg thank you times a thousand. You feel warm & fuzzy & oh so proud because you know you’ve done what you try to do with every thing you do…please your Master/Dominant/Domme/Daddy whatever they are…& that’s something that can never get old or boring. To have your time & effort acknowledged in just that manner by the very person you’re trying to please…oh yeah…that’s a whole new level of awesomeness let me tell you. Proof that just a little positive reinforcement can go a long way & everyone…not just us in the D/s world…should remember. Always let someone know how you feel…even if it’s only to say good job or congrats because you never know what little compliment is going to be the 1 that turns it all around for them.
5. Having my kid tell me something I tried cooking & failed at was still yummy even if it didn’t turn out right – Ok…anyone who has read this for a while knows I’m struggling with my weight & motivation to get up & do something about it. My eating is starting to get out of hand again ie I’m getting lazy & starting to depend on too much canned & packaged crap again so the other night after my kid listening to me whine & bitch & grumble yet again about the 10 lbs I’ve gained this last month & hate…we decided to try a few new meals. Now if you knew my child you’d know this was the equivalent of world peace being considered seriously. But I think not only does he want to help me with the weight but he’s suffering from our boring menu same as me. So we went thru found some stuff I could bastardize so he’d eat it & got the stuff to make it. Well, the other night *laughs* I attempted stuffed shells & lets say…it sucked. the shells were tough & tore apart & I only fixed half the box yet I ended up just using them as a layer & putting a whole thing’s worth of meat & cheese with them. Needless to say that was the richest food I’ve eaten in a LONG time but he ate the whole bowl & when I told him next time I’d just use a box of macaroni noodles he said that would be good because it was good but was too rich but he did want it when it had more noodles in it. So…lol he liked it even tho it made our bellies rumble with the lactose intolerance of it all so what more can I really ask for? And tonight…a new dinner tonight so keep your fingers crossed everyone!
6. that drowsy half awake state after sex – 1 of my favorite times because for me, it’s just about the only time I’m able to fully relax & shut off my brain. I work so hard at it that afterwards…all I want to do is snuggle up into the covers or with someone else & just enjoy the feeling of my body coming down…no thinking at all involved for quite a few minutes. I get very few times like those when my thoughts are pretty much silent except for the most basic of them so it’s always enjoyable when I get that peace & quiet & contentment & feeling of a job well done. I mean yeah the physical after effects are nice too don’t get my wrong but it’s the way it affects my brain & feelings that is the best part of it for me. And it’s something I can enjoy alone or with someone else because coming down is the same no matter if it’s virtual sex or a hot sweaty bout that yanks the covers off the bed in real life…mine body responds the same & so does my mind for which I’m very lucky I know…& why I wanted to write in appreciation of it.
Anyway…there’s my next 3 so hope to see everyone here for the next batch on Saturday or Sunday!