This week’s assignment

List 14 simple pleasures.  Every day for 2 weeks, write about 1 pleasure for 5 minutes.

Since this 1 is like it is…I’ll be splitting them into 3 & publishing every third day instead of every day for just a few minutes…except the last day which will have the final 2 topics.  That way it doesn’t overrun everything with short little blips but still gets the job done.  And it might turn into priceless things as well because for me…they’re pretty much 1 & the same.

1. Holding my cat & snuggling him…the feel of his fur on my face…feeling as well as hearing him purring, it is probably 1 of the best things there is in life.  He’s my baby & I know it & I adore him for it.  I love the way his fur feels & what it means for me  & dread the day that I lose it & him.  He’s been with me thru my mother’s death & my hellish marriage & all the way thru my son’s life…he’s been there for 18 yrs & even now just rubbing my cheek against his fur is enough to calm me down because that is as close to home as you can get with something instead of somewhere.  The softness, the kitty smell, the way it tickles me but soothes me at the same time…there’s nothing else that can compare to me snuggled up against my baby.

2.the smell of chicken when I’m boiling it for chicken & noodles – the way it fills the house…there’s so many memories & feelings associated with it…all good.  Especially since every week during the school week except in Feb & March that means Arial’s over for lunch & it’s CSI & Supernatural day…time to catch up on our TV.  True we end up on SL or WoW sometimes but most of the time is spent either just joking around as we look thru our email or else watching something else fun.  it’s the knowing that every time she’s here we have that…almost…the smell is comforting & means friendship & all those other things that come from being best friends for almost 24 years.

3. nuzzling my partner’s neck – there’s something amazing about that…the feel of their pulse when I press my lips to their neck, the way they smell, the warmth…their hair tickling my forehead or nose more often than not…it’s a kind of intimate you only get when you are open with someone & care about them because if it’s just about sex, they wouldn’t want it & you wouldn’t want to do it…to almost lose yourself in them…it’s a heady thing to happen.  And it can turn into so many things…or just stay as the cuddling that it is.  It can be romantic, comforting, flirty, flat out sexual…but no matter what of the many things it is I love to do it more than most anything else.

And there are my first 3 pleasures or simple moments/things I love.  I’ll post more on Wedmesday or Thursday.

This week’s first assignment

My topic for this post is “discuss what you think of different types of bondage”

Well…since I’m not very well versed at all in the Bondage part of BDSM…usually favoring the other 3 letters more…I have had to do some research.

First I’ll cover rope bondage of the more decorative form, rather than for restraint as that’s in another part.  I think that it’s very interesting to look at & if I had someone in RL who was knowledgeable about it would be more than willing to try it.  Have tried it on SL but thanks to my avatar not having a “standard” shape, it never works out well tho it does ok on some of my alts.  And I do enjoy the artistry of it…tho I would be interested in experimenting with not only wearing the ropes, but in using the knots for stimulation.

Next, was cuffs & spreader bars & arm jackets & harnesses…basically cuffing parts of your body to other parts or being held in a forced position by spreaders so that you can’t move that way.  I’m on with having my hands tied together & even my feet, tho I will admit having my partner hold my hands together with his is more enjoyable than having any piece of material do it for him, but I’m not so much on spreaders.  Having my legs or arms held at an angle like that without being able to move cause the nonenjoyable kind of pain way too soon & easily for me to want to try it.

Blindfolds & hoods are the next on my list because even if they don’t restrain you physically, then take away 1 of your senses & cause you to feel bound since you don’t dare move when you can’t see.  That always heightens the senses tho for me, a hood is too much…seems like overkill to me  I definitely enjoy the sensory deprivation that comes from a blindfold tho…that’s something I will most readily admit to.  That’s actually why I’ve toyed with the eye of ponyplay in the past…if only because I am a bit fascinated by the idea of wearing blinders…if not all the other stuff that goes with it.

My next entry is gags, which I do not like for personal reasons but I can see why people would like them…as not being able to talk or call out would definitely make you feel more helpless & at someone’s mercy & isn’t that 1 of the things that bondage is about?  Tho I would be willing to try a cloth gag instead of a ball gag or O ring type gag.  I think if I could close my teeth together around it, I’d be able to physically handle it so I’d at least be able to try it.

Lastly, is restraining someone against another object..such as tying them to a bed or a St. Andrews Cross or a bench or chair or wall…well…you get the idea.  For me…if it isn’t too restraining…ie where I can still struggle a bit & can move so nothing gets sore or numb…I’d be willing to let me partner do it if it was what he wanted to do.  Me myself…I don’t mind it but I don’t find it super enjoyable either…unless it excites & pleases who I’m with & then I love it because pleasing them is what it’s all about.

And that’s all the ones I could think of…if I missed something please let me know since LOL as I said in the bondage part of things I’m nothing more than a novice.  Enjoy everyone!

Assignment for the week

If you have difficulty asking for what you want, what are you telling yourself that makes asking difficult?

It’s not really what I’m telling myself, it’s what I’m afraid of hearing.  I’m afraid of either sounding stupid or blatantly stating what to everyone else is obvious but me in my clueless state, of being just flat out ignored, or of being left because I was so stupid or clueless, or sounded whiny & clingy…2 of my biggest worries.  That…is why I usually have to talk myself into saying something & convincing myself that I have a legitimate thing to say or ask.  Tho to be honest I’ve been doing better the last few weeks. I’ve done alot of reading & chatting with people & feel more secure in my actions so…not as many worries about what I say being taken wrong or ignored. So thank you to everyone for having patience with me when you know I have something to say but am trying to figure out how to say it…it means alot to me.

Just something i wanted to say

I thought about putting this on my private blog but then thought no…I want it here…with most of my other stuff.

I just wanted to say thank you to the people who mean most to me right now…especially my son, my best friend, & my Master.  Thanks to them I am a better person than I was a year ago…6 months ago…even a few weeks ago…& I thought they deserved a thank you & some credit for helping.  So thanks to those 3…& to everyone else who has helped me with their comments & support along the way…it’s meant so much & everyone who has helped deserves to know that they’ve mattered *smiles*

This has been going thru my head

It sucks to have everything you could ever want sitting right there in front of you…just to have something come in & take it away from you.  Be it circumstances or life or whatever else it is…it sucks no matter what.  For some people it’s rl getting in the way of their internet love…for others it’s a lover coming back to claim what’s his after neglecting them for so long they thought it was over…& for still more people it’s them feeling neglected & waiting for some miracle & their partner never seeming to notice what it is they’re doing to them no matter how much time is invested.  It’s loss either way & something that I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy.

And it can happen in any type of relationship…friendship because yes…your soulmate doesn’t have to be romantic in nature…your partner…your lover…even in D/s relationships it can happen where a Dominant is so taken with a sub but never feels appreciated or in a sub whose Dominant is so involved in other aspects of his life that she feels almost like an afterthought.  1 of my good online friends just went thru something like this over the last few days & it’s made me think a lot about it & how much we’ve all had it happen & how I wish it could never happen to anyone again.

Assignment for the week

By random this came up so…*laughs* here goes.

What is your biggest fear?

I actually have 2 I can’t choose between…because in a way they’re intertwined.  I have a fear of being alone…which in way causes me to have trouble losing weight, & I am very much scared & worried I won’t be able to lose weight.  And that depresses me & makes me more worried that I’m gonna die alone because of my health issues so then I get more emotional & have more trouble staying on any plan I come up with…*sighs* it just goes round & round & round.  So I have to figure out how to conquer 1, & learn to live with the other which honestly…for the most part…the fear of being alone is the lesser fear…& the fear of failing to lose weight the much bigger 1.  But when I get down & kind of hormonal, or am left with too much time alone & nothing to keep my mind in a good subbie place…then I start feeling left alone & abandoned & I just can’t deal with both of them at once.  So…my 2 biggest fears are…fear of abandonment…& fear I’m never going to be able to lose enough weight to feel healthy again…since even my doctor said I’m amazingly healthy for my age & weight.  There you guys have it *laughs*.  Oh & happy father’s day to everyone since 1 way or another it counts for you today. *smiles*

Something I just read

Was going thru Tumblr this morning & found a post that…it says so much about everything I’ve been feeling the last few weeks but had no idea how to put it into words.  And it makes me feel so much better because I thought all this time that I was just being selfish & needy & too pushy & all sorts of horrid subbie things when actually i’m feeling exactly the way I should be feeling.  So many things in this are perfect…even down to my driving need to have more tasks to do.  I feel so much better even as I feel worse after reading this.    Thanks everyone for letting me post this here!

http://beautifulkink.tumblr.com/post/52760769784/bgood4daddy-made-rebloggable-very-important

 

Ok…need a little help here lol

This hasn’t much to do with submission but then again it does because I would love to be able to kneel properly & show my submissive side that way but as it is right now, that’s not physically possible.  So…I need to lose weight….tho that would just be the bonus because of lots of health reasons is the main reason why.  I have the diet part down but I cannot motivate myself to exercise.  So I need some help here.  I need some rewards or goals to work towards that will make me get up off my butt, ignore my throbbing knee, & do the damned belly dancing I love to do just hate having to actually get up & do it lol.  Movies don’t work, buying myself jewelry doesn’t work, obviously taking myself out for special dinner isn’t the best reward either, feeling better about myself doesn’t work, I wouldn’t do a spa day if my life depended on it…lol I’m at a loss here & was hoping that some of you would not only have some ideas but be willing to share them with me.  Thanks for all the feedback you’ve given me so far…it’s very appreciated & thanks for any help you can give me with this *smiles*

2nd assignment

What is your motivation in your service to your Master?

 

Now this 1 was hard for me because I’ve never once really sat down & thought hard about it…have just enjoyed doing it as best I can.  My main motivation is…I enjoy pleasing him.  It makes me feel good to do it & it makes me feel even better when he tells me I’ve done good at whatever task or thing he’s had me do or i’ve done for him.  Knowing it’s making me a better person by pleasing him is also a great motivator because the more I grow, the better I can please him.  So I guess you can say my motivation is feeling like I’m doing a good job & growing & happy…because when I’m doing those things…I can best serve him & isn’t that what it’s all about?

Assignment 1 for the week

How you felt the first time you submitted?

In 1 word…surprised.  *laughs*  I was wandering around as my Mistress self when this man started to talk to me…asking me about my sub I had with me & what we were doing & to let me know that if there was anything we needed to let him know.  Well within a  couple of minutes of talking to him in IM…for the first time in my life I called someone Sir.  And within 10 mns I was this close to begging him to take me…something I had never done before to any man.  So yeah…surprise…is the best way to say I felt that first time…even if it was pleasantly so.