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Just because *sighs*

I normally hate to whine or complain but am thinking that maybe if I write this all down, it’ll be easier to see how silly I’m being & get past it.  Because for the last few days…maybe even week…I’ve felt really crappy…emotionally & mentally that is.  I feel insecure…not about my looks or anything but…about whether I’m a good friend, a good parent, a good sub, a good woman…& am very doubtful I’m any of the above.  Yes, the feeling does come & go but I’ve felt for a while & just now been able to put it into words that…As terrific as things are for me right now…I’m still…I don’t feel like I’m doing enough to please the people that matter to me in my life.  I don’t know if it’s the submissive side or the people pleasing side or what but I just feel like I should be doing so much more so I can be what I want to be for them. Now today I’ve been dealing with this worry that I’m going to be forgotten…or replaced…& unfortunately it’s a very real fear because in 2 of my biggest relationships I was forgotten…after being replaced in 1 of them.  I worry that my friends at work won’t want to have anything to do with me over the summer because they’re only putting up with me there because I’m a good source of amusement, I’m worried that someone funnier or smarter or better behaved is going to come along & overthrow parts of my life…as I said I don’t know why but this is the feeling I’ve had for days now & just now can put into words.  I don’t want to be left behind or forgotten or just there because I’m convenient & that paranoid thinking that just maybe that’s all I am…is making my life hell & I’m so tired of it.  Hopefully, venting like this will help me see it for the bullshit it is & if not *shrugs* at least I tried to make it better.

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4 thoughts on “Just because *sighs*

  1. Ok, so I’m saying this without actually knowing you, but I tend to think the people-pleasing side is your submissive side…non-sexually, I mean. But yes, I have been forgotten and left behind in relationships and it’s a very real fear that I carry with me everywhere…I get it…and it does make things difficult…in my experience the feeling passes…maybe one day, for you (and me, too!), it will fade completely…

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  2. So many of our thoughts are based on the past. I have to stay in the present and focus on reality. Ask yourself what are the characteristics of a food friend. Do you have them? I bet yes. Do your friends feel you are a food friend.. I bet yes….a friend offers support and understanding…I would let my friends know I feel a little insecure…what a terrible feeling to worry about being replaced…my heart hears you even though I don’t know you…I have struggled with this…I must look and listen to my Sir. His words tell consistently that he is committed…I always think about how strong my commitment is and know his matches or is greater….sigh…we are not alone in our struggles and we succeed together!

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