Why can most people not see what they have right in front of their face? Usually they don’t see it until it’s too late & it’s gone, or else they just never see it because they’re too wrapped up in themselves to see anything else. As frustrating as it is, I can at least sort of understand why they couldn’t see what they had in front of them till it’s gone… because oftentimes it takes losing something for someone to see how precious it is to them…no matter how much that sucks for both people involved. But I think it hurts more when someone can’t see how you feel for them…how much you want to be with them…how the only thing you want is to be theirs & to make them happy…because they’re so concerned about themselves & their needs to ever see yours. Because yes…it does hurt when you lose someone because they’re too oblivious to see how you feel about them but it hurts even more to feel like you don’t even matter…only their own happiness matters to them. So…you let them go because you want them to be happy…even if it means them being with someone else.
And for some of us…it can be even worse because we always let them go. I’d rather be alone & hurting than to upset someone I care about so even when most people would fight or try to talk things out, I’m more likely to just say goodbye & let them find someone who seems to make them happier because I don’t feel like I’m doing it any longer. I’m scared to fight for them because I just know that I’m going to lose them anyway so I just…let them go & save us both the imagined heartache & upset. And I have such a fear of being too clingy or needy & driving someone away that I’m scared to death to talk to them…tho some people it’s alot easier for me to talk to about the hard stuff than others. I know that me doing things the way I am isn’t any better but…it’s hard to undo 40 years of my life & way of thinking & feeling.
I know this isn’t exactly the post I was planning on doing but…evidently I had more to say than I thought & even if it veered a bit off topic it wasn’t too far. This is not aimed at anyone…even after i turned it more personal…it’s just about various things that have happened in mine & my friends’ lives in the last few weeks. They’ve made me do alot of thinking & this is the result.