Was sitting here talking to Arial when I realized something. I had been reading blogs, thinking about what kind of submissive I was & how it happened when I suddenly had a streak of stubborn I guess you could call it. She’s having issues & I finally told her that she needed to eat or I was gonna nag nag nag until she did it or hung up on me & that’s when it hit me. I am dominant…still very much so…it’s just my dominant side has always come out more as caring or mothering than typical Mistress type domination. Yes…I can be a hard ass when needed but only when I care about the person in question & want them to do something for their own good. And then…yes…I can be 1 hell of a stubborn bitch if I don’t get my way. So I may not be dominant in the traditional manner but the more open I get to my submissiveness…the more I realize my dominant side is coming thru in other situations.
Which brings me to why I think when I choose to be submissive to someone…I do it so completely. I was raised to make everyone happy…that’s just the way I was brought up & have never totally lost it. And since for me…being submissive to someone is making sure I please them…which pleases me in the process…it works out perfectly. I want him to be happy, to please him, to make him proud of me. I think that is the biggest thing for me. I want My Master to be proud of me. I guess having suffered so much disappointment in my life…knowing that someone is proud of something I’ve done…of some task I’ve completed…of what & who I am…it seems selfish but at the same time it’s what drives my need to submit. I want to submit to him because I know that’s what he wants from me…& what he wants is what I want. He has given me the power to accept myself more than anyone else ever has & for that I can never repay him. All I can do is do my best to fulfill his desires & to make him proud to own me.