I’ve been wondering about this off & on for a few weeks…ever since I met My Master on SL…& talking to a rp buddy of mine tonight…i decided something. I am still very much as dominant as I ever have been…tho I have mellowed out alot I am still more dominant than submissive…except with certain people. There are just some men that…I don’t know what it is about them but…as I just told 1 of my other friends…there are just men that the first time I meet them there’s something about them that makes me want to kneel in front of them & beg them to make me theirs & let me please them as much as I’m able. And for the longest time I couldn’t accept that part of me…thinking it made me weak or stupid or too feminine. When actually i think it makes me stronger than I ever could’ve imagined because to give yourself to someone that completely…with no reservations…takes a trust & inner strength that I’m not sure most people are capable of.
All of this is because in the space of less than 4 weeks…I have met 2 men on SL who make me want to do just that. Within minutes of first meeting My Master, I was his…even if neither of us knew it then. I don’t know to this day what it is about him but I would do anything he asked to please him & can’t imagine having not met him or having him in my life. I know since it’s SL that day will come but for now I’m going to enjoy what I have, & learn what I can from him so that when I manage to find it for real…or at least in real because what we have now is real to me…I’ll be ready for it. I am his & I can’t imagine ever wanting it to be different so I will take what I can while I can & put off everything else till tomorrow. He values me for me…for everything I am with no complaints or excuses & likes me the way that I am…something very few people ever get lucky enough to have.
And then…there’s this guy who I meet in 1 of the seedier spots in SL…& within 5 mns of rp with him…I was ready to do whatever he wanted yet at the same time make him work to get there. He’s smart, funny, a pain in the ass, yet seems to be a very decent man even if he makes me melt in ways I didn’t know I could. My Master told me the other day he loves it that his mere presence reduces me into..as he put it…a quivering pile of goo…but this guy just might do it too if he ever really tried to dominate me.
Thing is, I’m not sure whether that’s a good thing or bad. Because I’m not sure I should have 2 men who do that to me…yet they both are aware of each other so it’s all very in the open. I just am not sure I’m completely comfortable with having 2 men around who make me so insane with whatever it is that comes out when I submit to someone. That feeling of freedom & peace that I get with My Master…it’s almost intoxicating which makes it scary. Having always had so much control in my life…it’s scary to let go like this especially since it feels so good. Tho now at least I do know the type of man I need in my life. Someone who is strong but laid back…who likes me to be in control some of the time but to not argue when they decide they’re going to be the boss & happily let them. Someone who is as much on both sides of the fence as I am…since I always have been & always will be it seems. Mistress to most…Slave to those few who can shatter my walls & make me into the woman I know I can be…strong & proud & open & loving…wanting nothing more than to make the man who values her as his most prized treasure as pleased with her as she is with him.