Day 5 Gratitude Challenge

What is different today than a year ago that you are grateful for?

The fact that even if I’ve only lost about 5 lbs in the last year, I can now actually walk short distances without wanting to die or pass out…no more than half a block or so but it’s more than I could do this time last year so I’m thrilled to tears to do it because at least now I can go out to eat with my kid & his girlfriend & not be too miserable to eat once I get into the restaurant.  Oh & I can tie my shoes on the bus again yays!

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Day 4 Gratitude challenge

What accomplishments in your life have brought you the most happiness?

Probably being told that I raised a good kid, &/or told I did a good job with him & have a good kid.  Coming from someone who was told from 16 she’d never have kids without a lot of work & even that was iffy, so I never even thought about kids, that’s a huge compliment & makes all the doubts worth it.

Day 2 of gratitude challenge

What is one thing you love about yourself?

Hmmm…let’s think.  I guess…even tho sometimes it’s totally freaking annoying…the fact that I’m at heart an optimistic person & almost always come around to seeing the best in not only people but the world.  I may feel horrid & miserable & hate everything but it never lasts for long because that damned annoying sunniness pops out…if not at random then because of the smallest of things.

1st day of a Gratitude Challenge

I figured I was doing 1 of these on facebook, but also want to do 1 here because I think the more I do it the better off I’ll be.  I know it’s a day late starting but meh…I can do 2 today to make up for it. *laughs*

What made you smile today?

That my kid’s girlfriend shoved him out of the way to hug me after I hugged him, saying it was her turn.  Something simple but gave me a good chuckle…especially the look on his face until he laughed about it too.

TMI Tuesday & yes I’m still here *laughs*

Important Questions

1. If you are on facebook, when was the last time you had to “unfriend” someone and why?

Because she went on a rant about who useless & disgusting all people on welfare are & since I know a lot of people who are on it & aren’t gaming the system like a few bad apples do, it pissed me the hell off especially since this isn’t the first time she’s been such a shallow bitch.

2. What are you addicted to?

Food….plain & simple.

3. What are the first 3 things you do every morning?

Harass the cats, go to the bathroom, then get on my stockings.

4. How lucky are you and why?

I think I’m good…not too much either way.

5. What is one thing you’re embarrassed to admit you want to try?

Honestly can’t think of anything at all right now.

Bonus: Are you proud of what you are doing?

somewhat so, yes.

 

And that’s all…everyone have a good rest of the day!

Hey everybody!

Thought I’d pop in for a hello really quick.  Have been thinking about posting for a while but honestly…am so lost as to what to post I haven’t done anything.  Am considering doing a blog challenge or something to maybe see if that will kick start my brain.  I’m looking around for some I’d like to do but if anyone has any suggestions I would love to hear them!

Things are all right here…just kind of treading water until school is out in a few weeks & I can make some more changes.  Happy early Mother’s Day to everyone out there since we all either are or have had mothers…even if we’re only mothers to furry babies.  Hugs to all & hopefully will be talking to you sooner than it has been in the past!

And most especially…thank you to all of you who have stuck by me even when my posting has sucked & been very few & far between…it means the world to me.

A big huge emotional rant

And no don’t be worried I just want to get this out of my system since there doesn’t seem to be anyone I can talk to about any of this anymore…I swear I’m not going to do anything crazy *laughs* anymore than usual that is.

I am….I don’t want to say depressed but…I am so upset & hurt & feeling useless & not needed & miserable & like I don’t matter & pain & rage…so much fucking rage & fear….I feel more of those than I do anything right now.  I don’t want it to end & I don’t want it to be over & I don’t want to be numb I just want to feel something other than miserable & alone & afraid & useless & unneeded & the anger that all of those are causing.  I’m trying so hard to change things but no matter what I do it just seems to make it worse so right now….I can’t feel anything but pain & sadness & hurt & fear & confusion & anger.  I have never felt so unneeded & invisible & alone as I do right now & it sucks big ass.  And yes my logical head knows it’s just feelings but that doesn’t make me FEEL them any less at all.  Right now it’s like the freezing yet burning hole inside of me is just….sitting there…waiting to see what I’m going to decide to do about it & right now…I just don’t know….all I can do is talk about it & get it out there & hope that doing that helps at least a little cause lord knows I don’t want to eat my misery away like usual…which is why I’m doing this post…hoping it keeps me from eating my way to numbness like I have so many times before.  Anyway….I think my rant is done & hopefully it will do some good.  Sorry to dump this here after being so quiet but…I’m done trying to figure it out in my own head so gonna make use of this LOL.