Random post out of nowhere

I just had a few thoughts I wanted to put down on here so I could come back & look at them later.

Firstly, I just stood up from my desk chair to get something from the kitchen & had made it 3 steps before realizing I’d stretched & then walked straight on in there instead of stretching then having to sit back down for a few seconds like I normally did.  I like that idea because it is a very obvious sign of improvement so yays!

Secondly, Mother’s Day morning in fact, I realized I’m only 8 years younger than my mom was when she died.  I’d never stopped to think about it but…her being dead for 18 years last month…that was just kind of a big surprise.  And another reason for me to keep working on my weight & getting better so I don’t end up in the same miserable boat she did.

Thirdly, it’s been a rough few days missing Duncan.  I know it’s been almost 8 months since he was put to sleep but for some reason the last week or 2 has been worse than it’s been since before Christmas.  I miss him & wish he could’ve made it to his 20th birthday back in March but he’ll always be my furbaby wherever he may be & I hope he remembers me half as good as I remember him.

Pic of the week & update all in 1

It was Mother’s Day yesterday so didn’t have a chance to post my update & couldn’t post my picture of the week till I took it yesterday so just going to do both of them at once. *grins*

I have officially quit Weight Watchers.  I’m going between using my Fitbit & my SparkPeople page & seem to be having better luck that way.  I gained a few pounds but I have also lost a pants size & am in a size 34 for the first time in almost 4 years…as well as my size 4x shirts being loser on me than they were.  So I’m not worried about the weight gain because I know it’s muscle…not the bad stuff.

In celebration of this huge victory, a friend of mine from work dyed my hair purple on Saturday.  It’s a very dull color inside, but in bright or outdoor light, it’s definitely purple with almost magenta highlights where my gray hair was.  And posting a picture of that…is my picture of the week because I think it looks awesome.  Only other thing to happen other than that was me & my best friend going to see Avengers: Age of Ultron yesterday which we did in 3D & was definitely worth the extra cost.  We also went out to eat so we enjoyed ourselves quite well for Mother’s Day.  So happy last Mother’s Day to everyone who celebrates it & hugs to all & hope everyone has an awesome week this week!

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TMI Tuesday

First TMI Tuesday for the Month of May.

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1. How long have you been blogging?  Just over 5 years since I got my congratulations for 5 years on WordPress about a week or so ago…but only for about  2 1/2 years on this blog.
2. Tell us about your pen name? Is it a pen name?  It’s the nickname I wanted as a kid but never got it so I use it for my online name in many different places.
3. What is your blog about?  Me & how things go on my way thru my life & others who make a difference in it for good or bad.
4. Do you earn any money with your blog?  Nope.
5. What inspired you to blog?  I thought it might be a good way to sort my thoughts out & make new friends.
6. What keeps you blogging?  Because I enjoy it & enjoy chatting with the people I’ve met while doing it.
7. Do you have any advice for readers looking for love? Looking to get laid? Looking for a threesome?  *laughs* Nope since I’m not good at any of the 3
8. Did you do your kegels today? When was the last time you did them? (Men: There is no evidence that kegels prevent erectile dysfunction. Source: WebMD )  Actually yes I did *laughs* thank you for asking…it helps once you’re in your 40s if not sooner.

Bonus: Do you have any special sexual gifts or talents or tricks? Tell us about it.  I think some of them have been covered in the past on here so *laughs* anything else…hop over to my flickr page & leave me a message there *laughs*

 

Not your average update of the week

I’m realizing now why I’ve always so enjoyed having my friends come over to my house even if it’s only once every week or so for a couple of hours.  It’s not a good thing at all for me to be alone as much as I have been the last few months.  Between me current state of mind from too much alone time, & school not being out soon enough, I’m in a place I’ve not been in in years.  I’d be ok if it was just work, or just the alone time but since it’s both…it sucks.  I don’t like who I am or how I feel or what I do right now but I can’t seem to stop or keep from it unless I just go to sleep & sleeping my life away isn’t going to do me any good either.  But I’m at a total loss as to what to do to make any of it better.  And me trying to lose weight on top of feeling like this…that just makes it worse cause I can’t eat to distract myself any longer so I’m miserable which makes me more miserable & want to eat more which makes me bitchier which makes me more miserable so it just goes round & round & round.    I just feel so unneeded right now.  Not unwanted…unneeded.  Not even useless but…as a babygirl/sub/whatever you want to call me as well as just me being who I am, I need to feel like I’m needed & helping others & I’ve not felt like that in weeks.  And that right there is the main thing that’s slowly wearing me down.  I’m starting to wonder if I’m going to make it till we’re out of school before I hit the breaking point because it’s not going to be pretty if I still am in because I will become a hell bitch on wheels.  That’s my self defense when I hurt & feel like I have a gaping sore inside me somewhere & you can’t do that & not alienate people or even worse screw up your job because you hurt.  So right now, I’m just hoping & praying I last 3 more weeks till it’s done & then…I’ll see what I can do to fix myself over the summer.  It can be done I just have to figure out how.

Anyway…I’ve had my emotional spill for the year *laughs* oh & 1 other thing…when I posted the other day, I got a post from WordPress telling me it was my 5 year anniversary so yays me! Thanks to everyone whose been along for the ride on this & the first blog I had…means so much!  Hope you all have a great rest of the day & a good week!

Random topic for this week

Thanks again to my best friend yays her!

Who are 5 women you think are gorgeous?

Ok…I’m actually going to list 6 women I love to look at because to me that’s more how it is than who I think is or isn’t gorgeous.  It’s my personal preference so I’m not going to label them when I honestly just don’t think that way.  Will even include small versions of my favorite pictures of theirs if I can find them.  And this is in no particular order, just the order I think of them.

Katherine Heigl – pre-Grey’s Anatomy because for me, she’s too thin now & I thought she looked much better early on than now.

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Tiffany Taylor – Playmate of the month November 1998

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Charisma Carpenter – Cordy on Buffy & Angel, has also been on Charmed, CSI, The Expendables 1&2, Supernatural, & tons of other things

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Jessica Alba – Been in more movies than I can count & even owns her own company…what’s not to like?

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Milla Jovovich – Model & Actress

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Alyssa Milano – Have always thought she was awesome…lookswise & personalitywise

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Feel free to give your opinions or comments or your choices & have a great rest of the week!

I know I know I just posted but….

After I posted the last 1 WordPress told me that was my 200th post so just wanted to say thank you to everyone who follows me!  It’s so appreciated & so glad you’ve stuck around thru all the changes that’s gone on over the last 2 1/2 years!

Also, saw this while looking for something on Amazon & had to share it cause it made me crack up…link is under the picture just click it!  Hugs to all!

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http://www.amazon.com/Princess-Mug-Fashion-Pretty-Supposed/dp/B00Q7Q9OY4

This week’s update

I’ve lost some weight this week but since at least part of it was water weight…I’m taking it with a grain of salt & being happy but not doing cartwheels about it.

Otherwise, most of this week has been the same old same old just waiting till school’s out so I can finally not be so fricking worn out all the time.  Did go to the movies with my kid today to see Furious 7 & even tho he grumbled about going as only a teenager can, he said it was good & wanted to see the next 1 when it came out too.  So yays me I did some good there.

Also, something that’s been kicking around a bit in my head for a while….just feels like the time to write it.  The ones who have been following me since the beginning know that my posting & even the length of my posts can vary greatly.  And lately, I’ve been struggling to do more than just a few sentences & I almost feel like I’m cheating everyone who follows because I can’t write more.  My logical mind knows that’s a load of horseshit but that little girl who loves nothing more than to please others does have a bit of a fit about it from time to time.  Tho even my deepest thoughts are still pretty straight forward.  I will admit it’s odd sometimes because I follow so many blogs that…the writers are amazing & offer such a great insight that it can often move you to tears.  I’m just not that kind of writer & once in a while it makes me doubt myself just a little.  Since there will never be any deep thoughts or florid prose here. *chuckles*  But I enjoy doing it too much to stop so I just do my best to give myself a pep talk & go on with things as best I can.  I’m not really looking for anything here just…was a rare glimpse into my head that’s actually more deep than most things I post are *laughs* & deeper than most things I think honestly.  So thank you all for listening & I hope your week ahead is the best that it can be!

 

This week’s pic of the week

This isn’t my normal pic of the week but I had to share it anyway.  I remember reading this on tumblr a couple of years ago & it stuck with me.  Then recently I saw it shared on facebook & I had to read it again & now share it even if it isn’t just a picture.  It might be true & might not be but it’s better than any other picture I could share today.  And all of us at 1 time or another has felt like this poor little cat…just needing to be loved, & basking in it when we do get it even if it’s only for a few moments.  You never know how much your small act of kindness might help someone.

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Ugly by author unknown

Everyone in the apartment complex where I lived knew who Ugly was. Ugly was the resident tomcat. Ugly loved three things in this world: fighting, eating garbage, and shall we say, love. The combination of these things combined with a life spent outside had their effect on Ugly. To start with, he had only one eye and where the other should have been was a hole. He was also missing his ear on the same side, his left foot appeared to have been badly broken at one time, and had healed at an unnatural angle, making him look like he was always turning the corner. Ugly would have been a dark gray tabby, striped type, except for the sores covering his head, neck and even his shoulders. Every time someone saw Ugly there was the same reaction. “That’s one UGLY cat!!!” All the children were warned not to touch him, the adults threw rocks at him, hosed him down, squirted him when he tried to come in their homes, or shut his paws in the door when he would not leave. Ugly always had the same reaction. If you turned the hose on him, he would stand there, getting soaked until you gave up and quit. If you threw things at him, he would curl his lanky body around your feet in forgiveness. Whenever he spied children, he would come running, meowing frantically and bump his head against their hands, begging for their love. If you picked him up he would immediately begin suckling on your shirt, earrings, whatever he could find. One day Ugly shared his love with the neighbor’s huskies. They did not respond kindly, and Ugly was badly mauled. From my apartment I could hear his screams, and I tried to rush to his aid. By the time I got to where he was laying, it was apparent Ugly’s sad life was almost at an end. Ugly lay in a wet circle, his back legs and lower back twisted grossly out of shape, a gaping tear in the white strip of fur that ran down his front. As I picked him up and tried to carry him home, I could hear him wheezing and gasping, and could feel him struggling. I must be hurting him terribly, I thought. Then I felt a familiar tugging, sucking sensation on my ear – Ugly, in so much pain, suffering and obviously dying, was trying to suckle my ear. I pulled him closer to me, and he bumped the palm of my hand with his head, then he turned one golden eye towards me, and I could hear the distinct sound of purring. Even in the greatest pain, that ugly battled scarred cat was asking only for a little affection, perhaps some compassion. At that moment I thought Ugly was the most beautiful, loving creature I had ever seen. Never once did he try to bite or scratch me, try to get away from me, or struggle in any way. Ugly just looked up at me completely trusting in me to relieve his pain. Ugly died in my arms before I could get inside, but I sat and held him for a long time afterwards, thinking about how one scarred, deformed little stray could so alter my opinion about what it means to have true pureness of spirit, to love so totally and truly. Ugly taught me more about giving and compassion than a thousand books, lectures, or talk show specials ever could, and for that I will always be thankful . He had been scarred on the outside, but I was scarred on the inside, and it was time for me to move on and learn to love truly and deeply. To give my total to those I cared for. Many people want to be richer, more successful, well liked, beautiful, but for me, I will always try to be Ugly.