I just checked my WordPress Dashboard & realized that yesterday was my 6 yr anniversary of having joined WP. I haven’t been blogging the whole time & haven’t been on this 1 the whole time but it still made me chuckle & feels like an awesome thing.
Happy Anniversary with WordPress.com!
You registered on WordPress.com 6 years ago.
Thanks for flying with us. Keep up the good blogging.
I had started to post that earlier but got sidetracked, & just ran into this on Facebook & wanted to share it. It will make you cry but only cause there’s so many feels. It’s also why I am almost 44 & am not ashamed of being a fangirl…because some celebrities are awesome people & do everything they can to make the world a better place & are so much more than their money & fame. I know not all of them are that way but it brightens my day when they are & to reminded there are still so many good people in the world. Bless the both of them as well as all of you.
Ryan R: Actor Writes Tribute to 13-Year-Old Fan Who Died From Cancer
It’s me again! *laughs* I’ve been meaning to post here but seems every time I think of something I’m where I can’t right the idea down & I forget it before I’m able to put it down on here. Tho I would like to ask an opinion from anyone who’s willing to help. I know this blog has gone so many directions since the beginning since things have changed so much in my life since then, but I would like to be a bit more regular even if it’s just a weekly inspirational picture & a few comments…just to show I am still here & am still interested just kind of still trying to figure out a direction if any. So if anyone has any opinions or anything ideas or such I’d love to hear them & even if not, still thank you all for being there thru so long & for the people I’ve met & comment with…all of you mean the world to me so thank you & don’t forget you have made a difference for at least one person! Huggies to everyone!
I hadn’t realized how long it had been since I was on here & I do want to say I am sorry. I’ve been working thru things in my head…concentrating super hard on sticking to the weight loss that everything else has kind of fallen to the wayside. But I am still here & hopefully will be doing more as it gets prettier out & I get in a better place to do more so hugs everyone & have a good rest of the week & a good weekend as well! And here’s some thoughts that’ve helped me a lot in the last few weeks so wanted to share them. *smiles*
Why do people have to shit on you & everything you believe in? I know a lot of it is my fault for letting it bother me but sometimes things just get thru the chinks in my armor & make me feel like the most ignorant person on the planet. When you’re reduced to sitting in the bathroom at work crying cause you’ve been smacked 3 times in 1 day & just cannot hold it together any longer because I’ve not felt like the scared no esteem teenager I was so long ago in quite awhile…well it just sucks shit. And feeling like no 1 gives a shit just makes it worse. Anyway…rant over & thanks for listening.
Just sitting here listening to music…ranging from One Direction to AC/DC to Beethoven & now Tainted love *laughs*…& was thinking. I really truly do believe in love, & that makes everything so much more confusing because even tho I really do believe in it, every time I think I might have found out I get gut punched. I know everyone has those issues, but it’s still crap. There should be a clearer, easier way to tell, if only to save so much pain & heartbreak. I try telling myself that since I’ve gone thru so many tries that when I do find it it’ll be awesome & amazing even if I have to work my ass off to keep it, but lately…it has been so hard to hold on to at least a tiny bit of hope since I’ve lost most of it. I’m so tired of the liars & cheaters & even worse the ones who love you for what you can give them & how they make you feel instead of what & who you really are, or the ones who don’t necessarily lie but hold back on things…big things…they know would make all the difference in the relationship…for the good or the bad. I’m tired of fake people & shallow people & selfish people & people who act like their selfless but can’t think beyond themselves…I’m just so tired of so much of it. As I told a friend the other day, I’m as low as I can get because for me, self harm (except my emotional eating) has never even been an issue or question because that is never been something I’ve wanted to do or felt like I had to do to make myself better, but right now…I’m not much above that I’ll admit. Most of the time it’s like being in a dark, damp, misty forest where the mist is so think it’s like a blanket & all I want to do is hide there forever. But I’ve been concentrating on my weight & eating so hoping that will pull me out some since my normal standby just isn’t going to happen…every time I try to write all I can do is stare at the blank page & hate whatever’s giving me such terrible writer’s block.
Anyway, just needed to vent & rant again so huggies to all & thanks for your support even if it’s just as a like or comment or visiting & reading & hope you have an awesome weekend!
I was looking on my SparkPeople page this morning & found this & *laughs* had to share. Cause I know even if it’s camera tricks & people tricks, it made me giggle so of course I had to share!
Hugs to all & hope you’re having a great weekend…& a special thanks to those who commented on my rant a couple of weeks back…it meant the world to me!
I have had it stuck in my head since I first chanced upon the video the other day on YouTube. I liked the original as both my mom & dad listened to it quite often when I was younger but this…this is awesome.
I just had to get this out of my system & knew if I put it here, it’d do the most good.
My question is…what kind of fucking person has to pull over on the side of the road & cry because she has to eat home cooked food, instead of being able to get pizza & hot wings? I think I’ve hit rock bottom & I’m not sure how the hell to get past it because right now…all the trying & effort & monitoring what I eat & trying to exercise…it just makes me more & more depressed every single time I have to do it. I mean when a big portion of your brain would rather just not eat since it can’t have what it wants…even tho it knows how bad what it wants is…how the hell do you get past that or work with it? I’m tired of the frustration & disgust & irritation & some days just want to face dive into every bad thing I can think of & say fuck it all at least I’ll die happy…even tho I know I won’t because I’ll be physically miserable. But this way I’m mentally & emotionally worn down & miserable so I’m damned if I do & damned if I don’t. I’m either disgusted & hate everything, or physically miserable because I hurt & can’t breathe & can’t move.
Anyway…I think I’m done so thanks for listening anyone who bothers to read this & hugs to all of you for sticking with me thru everything.
I hope everyone survived the holidays without too much trouble if not actually enjoyed them. And I hope this year is bigger & better & brighter than the last for each & every one of you.
For me, I don’t make actual resolutions but…I am going to try to change & keep working on some things this year so am going to make a list…that way I can come back & reread it whenever I find it difficult to keep doing these things.
- watching what I eat even better than I have been. I have been able to keep my weight at around 370 give or take all year so I haven’t gained any but haven’t lost any either so going to do what I can to work on that. Especially since because before Christmas break, I felt better than I have in a few years & I don’t want to lose that ground I’ve finally gained.
- Keep remembering that I deserve better & I don’t have to make myself uncomfortable or do things I’m not entirely happy with to keep someone in my life & happy with me. I am not that kind of woman & I will not become that kind of woman & that’s all there is to it. I am a lot of things & have done a lot of things but when it doesn’t feel right anymore…I will pay attention to that feeling & not ignore it or try to talk myself out of it because I…am better than that & I damn well know it.
- I will exercise & move more. As I said I was feeling better physically & I do not want to lose that. I’ve struggled too long & hard to let it go now
- spend at least an hour or 2 a week trying to write since I have this huge behemoth of a story that I need to finish & am just going to have to force myself to do just that
- eat more fruits & veggies!! And that includes potatoes only if I cook them myself *laughs* chips don’t count even tho I wish they did. And drink at least 2 bottles of water a day on top of everything else.
- Will cook a new dish at least once every 2 weeks.
- try to post at least once a week here even if it’s only a hi, how ya doing kind of thing. I’ve sucked a lot at posting on here & I’m sorry for that & very grateful for everyone who has stuck by & am going to do my best to do better.
I think that’s about it for now…will add more if I need to as I go along so hugs to everyone & hope that they have a good rest of the weekend & a good week this coming week!
I hope everyone has a good day today…whether it’s Merry Christmas or Happy Holidays or even just Friday, the beginning of the weekend (or even Saturday already in some parts of the world). Hope it’s a day full of love & hope & fun even if only for a moment because everyone needs at least a little of all 3 every day!
Thank you for everyone who has every liked or commented on my blog & know that someone out there cares & is thinking of you today no matter what day it is for you!