TMI Tuesday

Welcome to another round of TMI Tuesday. Last week had some really fun and interesting posts, quite revealing ;-). This week…

Let’s Get Serious

tmituesday serious

1. What are you most afraid of?  Life!  Seriously…living scares the hell out of me which is why I have so much trouble with my weight.

2. Do you believe in life after death?  Yes I do tho not sure how it’ll play out either

3. What is your purpose?  not really sure to be honest

4. Where are you going?  I have no clue whatsoever lol

5. Do you fear hell? Why or why not?  Yes & no…yes because it will suck but no because at least I’ll have company *grins & winks*

6. Do you feel free?  No…not at all…never.

Bonus: Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but people don’t point to their crotch when asking where is the bathroom?  I don’t know but that was an amusing thought as well as a very good question.

Update for the week

Not much to say this week cause it’s been a nice boring week.  No weigh in as my scale decided it wanted to be dead so am waiting for another 1 from amazon.  Hoping it’ll get here in time for this next weigh in but not gonna hold my breath.  Tho I did get a friend from work/neighbor who said she’d help me out & make me stand in a corner if i ate too much at work so that’ll be a help too. (and yes I’m serious about that…I really do have to stand in a corner or with my forehead against a wall…yay being a babygirl cause that makes it so effective.)

Oh & I did do 1 massively awesome thing this week…with my kid’s help.  I love my kid. *laughs* He’s too much awesome.

Yays Legendary Cloak!

Yays Legendary Cloak!

Now all I have to do is defeat Garrosh & yays I’ll have done exactly what I wanted to this expansion.  I have until Nov 12 to do it so *laughs* let’s hope I can do it.

Also got to spend a little time on SL with some good friends today so that was a good thing.  *huggies* to you…you know who you are!

And even was able to write a little bit on my latest story so yays for that too!

So this week has had more in it than I’d thought originally. *laughs*  But it has been a rough 1 dietwise especially with not being able to weigh but I can just hope for the best.  Hope everyone else is doing well!

This week’s update

A couple of days late but for a good cause.   Well *laughs* I gained back 2 of the 3 lbs I lost last week but it was a rough week so can’t say I’m surprised.  Am doing the best I can right now & that’s all I can ask for.  have managed to do a bit more moving around so hopefully that explains the weight gain…can always hope it’s muscle can’t I. *chuckles*

Also finally finished the third chapter on my quest chain for the legendary cloak in WoW.  Now I’m stuck as hell on the stupid dps fight with the celestials & feel so totally fail.  Hopefully if I can’t get it tonight *laughs* my kid can pass it for me.  Otherwise I’m not sure what I’m going to do right now since after this…it’s a breeze.  I hate being so close & not being able to finish it up & since there’s only 3 weeks to do it…*sighs* yeah.

And the reason I didn’t post this weekend like I was planning was because I was fighting all day on WoW Saturday & then Sunday me & my best friend went for our occasional Sunday out to eat & to the movies trip we take every month or so when we’re able to find a movie we want to go see & aren’t both broke.  We went to see Dracula Untold which was much better than I was afraid it was going to be, & posted a few pictures of the extra goodies I got on my instagram.  It was a good day even if we both felt fat & grumpy & crappy so yays us.

And that’s all I can think of…hope everyone is doing all right & will update again later this week!

Here we go

Ok…first update…let’s see how this goes.  First off…have actually done better with my eating I think.  The having to stop & take a picture if it’s over my already done menu is doing some good I think so that’s a plus.  And I have managed to lose 3 lbs this week so I’m doubly happy for that.  My Weight Watchers online tracker is griping at me for losing more than 2 lbs a week but I know me & it does happen occasionally…I’ve not made myself go without to make it happen so I’m good with it.

Also still have a few profiles up here & there & been on SL a bit…have met a few people but nothing to get excited about so far as I’ve barely talked to most of them.  I’m not holding my breath or even imagining it’s going somewhere but I do like & need to meet new people so still trying it all the same.

I also…with the help of my darling child *laughs* am on the next to the last batch on WoW for my legendary cloak.  have about 4 weeks to get it so I just hope I can cause if not I think I’ll just break down & cry after us working so hard to get it.

Other than that…not much has happened…had a few times where I thought I saw Duncan out of the corner of my eye but I figure that will happen for weeks or months still.  Right now I have his urn sitting on my desk so at least he’s there for good…even if not right in the middle like he was.  Been staying at work more to get out of the house some, & my best friend came over for chicken & noodle/TV watching day so that was good too.  Am tired of the rain but happy about it being cooler inside so just kind of seeing how things go all around right now.  Huggies to everyone & have a good week!

Decision time

I have decided what to do about my instagram account & my dieting.  I will start preplanning my days, & I’ll only post pictures of what I eat that’s over what I’ve preplanned…so pretty much just my snacks or extras…or if I change something at the last minute.  Will also be doing weekly updates & I think I’ll post some kitty pictures as well just for fun & since *laughs* I seem to have so many of them.

I’m also going to try & do at least a once weekly update on here of everything…weight loss, my little adventures & search for someone to share them with me, just life in general.  Might be good for me so we’ll see how it goes.   Thank you again for all the support & comments. *smiles*

And here’s the address for anyone who wants to check things out.  http://instagram.com/gwynniegirl72

Some ideas I’ve had

Thanks everyone for the messages about my cat…it was very appreciated.

I’ve had some thoughts & I was going to ask for any opinions on both ideas I’ve had to help make the changes I’m wanting to make & trying to make right now.

first of…i’ve thought about posting every thing I eat onto my new instagram account…just to kind of keep a record of it & maybe get some encouragement or constructive criticism or new ideas from that.

Also…am thinking of implementing a set of rules/schedule for myself…to help me with my goals.  Only problem I’m having there is how do I hold myself accountable since there’s no 1 watching over me to do it?  So any suggestions on how I could do that & things to do if I don’t do something I’m supposed to would be greatly appreciated because I think it would be a tremendous help to me.  And don’t forget I’m a little/babygirl & those kinds of things really seem to make the biggest impact/do the most good for me I’ve found.

Thanks again for everything & hugs to everyone!

My baby

2 weeks ago, I had to put my oldest cat Duncan to sleep.  Anyone who has followed me for a bit has heard about him at least once…I even did a post about him & my other cats during a 30 days challenge a while back.  Even in that post he was showing signs of the end coming but thankfully we had a few more good months.

About halfway thru last month tho, there started some clear signs that it was coming soon…very soon.  There were a couple of days where he would barely eat or drink & I finally told him if he didn’t start at least eating I was going to have to take him in & put him to sleep.  So the next day he started eating better…just like he’d heard me & realized “Oh crap she means it I better get with it.”  Well then our air conditioner died, & we had the hottest days of the summer a couple of weeks after that had happened.  He got so hot that I was laying him on the desk & not only putting cool water on his pawpads & ears but wiping him down with a cool damp cloth every 20 minutes or so…& forcing him to drink cool water once an hour or so in an effort to keep him from getting heat stroke.  He was showing all the beginning signs & we really didn’t think he was going to make it but lo & behold…he did…by some welcome miracle.

On the 18th…things were doing fine that morning…he’d been extra lovey for the last few days & wanted attention & was purring when I held him for the first time in a couple of months but I figured it was because he seemed to feel better since he was still eating & drinking just fine.  I got home, & he wanted on the desk so I put him up here.  He stayed up there, drank some, loved my hand some while he laid there, & ate a little bit, but then wanted down.  After he got down, I noticed a hand sized wet spot on my desk which should not have been there.  So I followed him into the bedroom, since he always sleeps on my bed if he wasn’t in here with me at the desk, & saw numerous spots on the bed as well.  I spent the next 20 minutes laying in there with him & by that time…i knew the time had come.  My first cat, Bit, had died of kidney failure, so I knew what I was seeing & wasn’t going to make him hang on till the bitter end.  Especially not when anyone could tell he was miserable.  So I called the vet’s office, & scheduled the appointment for that afternoon after I got done with work & my son got home from school.

My son had to hold him while we drove to the vet’s, & even he knew it was time because Duncan didn’t do anything other than reow his unhappiness at having to go somewhere again.  Even once we got there, he didn’t try to get away or make alot of noise, just some token wiggling & grumbling to show he was still there & with us.  My dad had gone with us so all 3 of us went in the room where I held Duncan while the sedative took effect, after the vet looked him over & listened to what I had to say & agreed it sounded like I was right.  She was 1 I hadn’t dealt with before but I’m glad it was her because she handled it all beautifully…caring but to the point.  I hadn’t stayed with Bit when she was put to sleep but this time…I was still petting him till she told me he was gone.  I just couldn’t watch even if I was there & trying to love him till the end because…he gave me so much the least I could do was be with him the whole way.

Thankfully…there has been no guilt at all because the look in his eyes before I called the vet…he was ready…& I think he’d known it was coming for the few days before & was doing what he could to get that last bit in before it was done.  That explains the sudden need for me to hold him for an hour at a time…him purring while I was doing it…why he was insisting on sleeping on my head & arm so much the nights before…we were both ready which has made it so much easier…I guess as easy as something like this can be.  *chuckles* I’ll admit I’ve gone thru a few napkins while writing this since I use those instead of Kleenex but I thought it was time.  It still hurts & I do miss him but…he had a good life & enjoyed it I think & i think he’s happy wherever he’s at now.  The other 2 cats have been a help as well since thanks to them I’ve been able to let go as well as I can until we get his ashes back.

I remember the little scrawny kitten he was when my ex-boyfriend’s mom gave him to us, I remember the huge cow he became after my ex brought him to me because his ex-girlfriend hated the cat, & I remember him laying his head on my shoulder just looking at me like I was stupid…purring the whole time because even if he thought I was being stupid he was perfectly happy to be there.  He was my baby & there’ll never be another like him & he won’t be forgotten.  Thank you Duncan for being there.

Duncan when he was named Penny at about 4 months old

Duncan when he was named Penny at about 4 months old

Duncan at 12 being spoiled as always

Duncan at 12 being spoiled as always

His last picture

His last picture

I have come to a decision about my life

As anyone who has been following my blog here for a while knows, I’ve been trying to find that special someone…& usually not having alot of luck tho I have met some amazing people along the way.  But after these last few days…I have decided.  I am…by choice…unless some miracle I can’t even imagine happens…will be spending the rest of my life single.  Right now…I just cannot imagine…being in a relationship…& have given up hope of finding 1.  I know they always say to stop looking & love will find you but for someone like me…doesn’t work that way.  I have social anxiety, & am very shy on top of that, so if I am not pushing myself to get out & meet people…looking for that someone…I don’t leave the house except to go to work or the doctor, & really only talk with good friends online…with an occasional comment or answer back on someone’s blog.  I am pretty much done with secondlife unless Arial wants me to get on there or 1 of my few other good friends from there, I play by myself or with my son or Arial or Lea on WoW so no meeting people because I avoid places with lots of people as much as I can…the normal clichéd advice just doesn’t work for me…what with me being the way I am.  So…i’m hanging it up.  Am even to the point where I’m not praying for a miracle because the constant trying & just finding people who could care less about my mind & who I really am & are much more impressed with my ability for quick arousal or multiple orgasms.  That just depresses me beyond words & it’s easier to just not try at all & live with my walls up & in my own head than to try & get rejected or used over & over again.  I know everyone goes thru that but I have never really learned how to properly deal with people…even now I have so many problems with it I’m not much better than a high school freshman at their most awkward stages.  I’m that scared, awkward girl who hides in the corner at the few parties she’s forced to go to…hoping no 1 notices her so she doesn’t freeze up & look stupid.  So I’m going to give up…& just stop putting myself thru it.  I’ve been alone for the most part relationship-wise for the last 14 years…almost 15 since the last year of my marriage was a complete joke.  There were 2 good ones in there tho 1 of them was alot better in my head than in real life.  But the last 1 spoiled me enough so that I can’t accept anything less…refuse to because I know I’m better than that…so it’s time to do something about it.  I know I’m rambling here but…I’m just thinking as I type.  I know what I want & can’t seen to find it.  I want a man who thinks my obsession with WoW & kitties & comic book movies & boybands & my constant fan girling is adorably or adorkably cute…who will encourage my writing or whatever else is important to me at the time & will help me discover & make come true my dreams.  I would worship the ground that man walked on if I ever found him but as it is now…it’s just a pipe dream & I’m cutting myself off from the pipe.

Anyway…*laughs & blushes* sure wasn’t meaning for it to end up like that but…figured it was time to get on here & finally put my heart out there for everyone & show why I’ve not been around much.  When you have things like that running around in your head…not much else can come out so there it is.  Huggies to everyone & thank you as always!